~ Alicia: In A Small Town ~

Happy Fourth Birthday Kyle!

2012-02-20T10:24:00.000-05:00

Holy shit… My youngest is four today!

Four years ago, I was already the mom of a precious baby boy who had already given me the scare of a lifetime by this time of day, so I suppose I should start with the day before

February 19^th, 2008 started out like most any day had of pregnancy hell number two… I was swollen, in pain, and ready to evict the brat from my body. The good news was that I was scheduled to be induced that night, and I was so excited. I was only 38 weeks, but I had begged my doctor to induce early because we had no family in the area and I was terrified that Micheal would have to be in the delivery room if I went into labor in the middle of the night. An unplanned labor was the last thing I wanted for yet another unplanned pregnancy. You see, once upon a time, I was about as scheduled as a person could be. EVERYTHING was supposed to be perfect. This should all have been a sign for what my life would become, because neither of my children ever knew anything about a plan…

That day, I decided that we had to go shopping. I can’t remember what, but I remember dragging Micheal and the ex around EVERYWHERE… The last place that I decided that we had to go was Circle Centre Mall. It was food heaven to a preggo. I can’t remember what I ate, but I remember going to see the father-in-law after eating. It was one of the rare occasions that he was actually in town. I always loved his office, it looked out over the beautiful city, and to me was like heaven. Everyone remarked at how “small” I was and all this other crap that I didn’t want to hear that day. Micheal was being the self-centered 21 month old that he was and he was exploring the office and not understanding why he wasn’t the center of attention. Poor kid had no idea what was about to come his way… After leaving the office, we walked the city until my swollen feet couldn’t take it anymore (let’s also not forget that it was also February which is pretty friggin’ cold in Indy). We then rode over to the hospital and Gary couldn’t find parking, so he dropped me and my hospital bag off at the curb and I told Micheal that mommy would see him soon. This is the part of the story where everyone starts to have a real WTF moment, and I’ll admit that had I not been so used to it, I probably would have too.

I went inside, bag in hand, and proceeded to check in. The process went smoothly, and I then journeyed upstairs to labor and delivery. The nurses met me at the elevator and quickly informed me that they had been trying to reach me all day. They had left numerous messages on my answering machine stating that they wouldn’t be able to do my scheduled induction today. Those of you who know me will know that this was not the first time this had happened to me. I was fat, tired, and hormonal. I began to cry as I walked back downstairs. I sat down in the waiting area, called my husband, and got no answer. I called the house. Nothing. I called the neighbors. Again, nothing. I looked outside and saw what was an absolute nightmare to me. Snowstorm. A damn blizzard would be a more accurate description. The great thing was that I had a credit card and I knew that the hospital wouldn’t kick me out, so I went to eat and waited… I think that was the best cheeseburger and fries I had ever had at that point. I continued to try to call the asshole, and continued to get his voicemail. I finally reached the neighbor who couldn’t confirm whether or not he was at home, and I explained the situation to her. She offered to come get me, but I told her that I would wait, I didn’t want to be a bother. Of course, the longer I waited, the more pissed off I became. By 10:30, I was ready to call the neighbor back and beg her to come get me. As soon as I went outside to take a look at the weather again, I had a sharp pain.

I soon walked my happy ass back upstairs and asked one of the nurses if I could be checked. I knew something certainly wasn’t right. At 11:30, I was moved into triage, hooked up to monitors, and they couldn’t find any contractions to monitor, but my blood pressure was something that they were concerned with, so they admitted me. Shortly after being admitted, my blood pressure went down, and there were still no real contractions, but with no one there to take me home, they weren’t going to release me, so I went to sleep. This was about 12:15 I believe. I woke back up at 1:45 with horrible pains and feeling the need to go to the bathroom. Rather than bug the nurses, I rolled my fatass out of bed and went potty. After this though, the pain got unbelievably worse. I KNEW what was going on then. I huffed and puffed my way through it and got back over to my phone to try to call again. I hung up before I could get anything out. The nurse luckily heard me though and ran in. I told her that I needed something for pain NOW and she screamed for someone to get the anesthesiologist. I am so happy to say that she never left my side. The ex then called back, and she picked up, told him if he wanted to see his child being born to come NOW and hung up on him.

The anesthesiologist ran in and tried to give me the speech… I told him to give me the damn paperwork, I would sign whatever I needed to, but there wasn’t time. I was right, when he was trying to stick me, I couldn’t sit still for the pain. I said I thought if I could go to the bathroom, everything would be fine. He and the nurse agreed that that was definitely not a good idea and made me lay back in the bed. I was already crowning… FML. The attending ran in at about the same time, in a suit, not scrubs, and begged me to wait to push until she could change. The brat inside me had a very different idea. To this day, I don’t remember pushing, I remember feeling like my insides were being shoved out of me involuntarily. The nurse was at one of my legs, and the attending was at the other as she was a little late in the game. I never remember the attending doing much, the nurse talked me through it as I had to push to shove the linebacker’s shoulders out. The anesthesiologist “caught” Kyle, and passed him off to the attending. The rest is sort of a blur. I remember looking at the clock and laughing that he was born at 2:20 on 2/20. The next thing I remember is a shit ton of people rushing in as they cleaned him up… Did I mention this was a teaching hospital?

The one good thing about not getting pain meds is that even though it wasn’t advised, I was able to get up and walk immediately after giving birth. I also didn’t feel like crap like I did after having Micheal. Oh, and the ex finally showed up after Kyle was cleaned up. As a matter of fact, he showed up as I was feeding him for the first time. Oh, and that scare of a lifetime I mentioned at the beginning of the blog… Kyle stopped breathing and turned blue. Scared the hell out of me. The nurse even agreed that I screamed louder then than while I was in labor. I’ve never been more terrified in my life. Turns out that he was just doing the same thing he’s done since, only concentrated on doing one thing at a time. He wanted to eat, so he forgot to breathe. I had to take him off the boob every minute or so for the first day to make sure he was breathing… Thankfully, he finally got the hang of it! Little did I know that wasn’t the only scare that he’d put me through in that first day… I would soon learn all about what hypospadias was and why I should be terrified that my child had SEVERE hypospadias. Although, this was nothing that was explained to me at the hospital… I would have to research it on my own, and you only think it’s scary googling your own symptoms, try googling what’s wrong with your newborn!

All this didn’t slow us down, I was frustrated after having such a rough time at the hospital and I begged my doctor to let me go home. Luckily for me, since it was a labor with no complications (and since I lied about having help at home) he agreed to let us go home at the 12 hour mark as long as I could convince the pediatrician that I would be able to do it. That was simple, we would just have to return for bloodwork at the appropriate times and they sent a nurse to the house to check on us two days later. Honestly, if I had to do it again, I would do it exactly the same. Especially if it got me this sweet, whiny, four year old that keeps trying to help me type!

It’s been a fun four years with my little buddy by my side, I can’t wait to see what else there is to come!

My JuJu...

2012-02-19T09:52:00.000-05:00

To all of you who are on my Facebook page, you will see me talk about Pou quite often. Most of you have figured out that he is most certainly my best friend in this area and at times he seems to be my only friend. I had other friends, but at this point they seem to be much more like acquaintances than actual friends. I can’t remember the last time they called me up to talk, and I sure as hell don’t remember the last time they came out to see me or met me for lunch… All this being said, I can tell you that everywhere I’ve ever lived, I’ve had a best friend. In Michigan, there was Christina. She and I still try to talk, but time and distance has made it so hard to catch up. I miss her to bits, for a year she was the only friend that I had in a place so unlike home to me and a place that I felt like the isolated outsider. She was the only comfort that I had in that awful year of my life.

In Indiana, I was closer to actually figuring out who I was for the first time in my life. This place was perfect for me. It was enough like home, but far enough away that I felt comfortable to grow and try new things. The problem there was that I moved into a neighborhood full of bitches. While I will admit that I have never gotten along with most women, these women were absolutely intolerable. Next door to me was Doris, next to her was Nicki, and across the street was Stacie. On the corner was a chick named Eva, and out of all of them, she seemed to be the coolest, so I tried to get to know her better. Unfortunately for me, Doris had decided that she and I would become best friends. I HATED this woman, but she at the time was the only person that I had found remotely interesting; especially considering that Eva and her husband packed all their shit and abandoned me in the middle of the night. I quickly found out that while Doris claimed to hate the other neighbors and the other neighbors claimed to hate her, these women were honestly going back and forth with each other and it was a huge back and forth gossip train fueled with hatred for one another evenly…

I called war on all the bitches in the neighborhood and finally said to hell with all of them and just did my own thing. Much to Doris’s dismay, I took to gardening and my choices of flowers did not coordinate with her yard. I was still proud of my go at it and would photograph them every time there was a new bloom. While outside photographing them one day, I saw a moving truck pull up to Eva’s house. All I saw was what appeared to be a bunch of damn teenagers. All I could think was “Great. A f***ing party house now. Another wonderful addition to the neighborhood.” and I then went inside and watched them move in from my window. I’ll admit right now that I never had any intention of going and welcoming these assholes to the neighborhood. None of us that lived there were the warm and friendly type. There were no block parties, there were no barbeques, and they needed to get it through their damn heads right away that we were all happy with this. Later that evening, I saw HER. She was this prima donna bitch, I could tell it from across the street. I wanted nothing to do with her. My height, with super long thick hair, bleached blonde with lowlights. The type you never see without her makeup. Just fan-f***ing-tastic, another bitch in the neighborhood.

Over the course of the next few months, I would scurry inside when I would see them outside, but I came to find out that it was a couple with what looked to be four boys. That was all I had to see to know this bitch was crazy… Well, it turns out that they had been watching me too. One day while I was outside photographing my flowers, that dude that looked like a teenager with his ICP t-shirts and baggy jean shorts and backwards cap with sunglasses started walking across the street. I went back in my house and pretended that I had to go to the bathroom. He knocked on the door and acted like he figured I didn’t see him. Had a conversation with the now ex-husband. Introduced himself, and asked the ex if I was a photographer. Explained that he and that woman would be getting married in October and that they were really in need of a photographer… The ex told him that I would come over to talk to them as soon as I got out of the bathroom. Him promising that got him the cussing of a lifetime. I put it off until the next day. When I did go over, they were of course busy; we had the neighborhood yard sale that day and they were taking part in it. I was not impressed at all with this Julie bitch, and she was not with me either. Jason, on the other hand, asked that I please come back that evening with my portfolio and a list of prices. He also sent me a Facebook friends request within minutes of speaking to me, which I then felt obligated to accept.

After talking to them later and tentatively agreeing to photograph their wedding, I decided to send this chick a friends request. Her name was actually Jewel. Shortly after that, I posted about needing a running buddy, to which she replied that she needed a workout buddy because she was desperately looking to lose weight before the wedding. I figured what the hell… We figured out a time of day that would work for each of us and then the next evening, I walked over to see her. I’ll admit, we both intended to start working out. We ran halfway around the block, until our significant others were completely out of sight and then we sat our asses down and realized that we were way too out of shape for this kind of shit. We talked for about 30 minutes and then walked around until our houses were within sight. We then jogged the rest of the way and pretended to be winded from running. The next evening, we sprinted happily around the corner and then walked our happy asses to Starbucks and got coffee. For a little while we kept this charade up and we would go either to Starbucks or another store to get a snack. We finally figured out that instead of getting snack foods and coffee, we could start sneaking liquor in water bottles and have us an evening cocktail. Of course, the significant others figured it out when we started stumbling home giggling from our evening runs and we were no longer out of breath from our run… We actually stopped faking the run home as well. Ooops…

After we were busted on the drunken jogs, we started having an afternoon cocktail on Jewel’s front porch. This was agreeable for everyone, because my ex didn’t have to watch the kids, Jewel and I didn’t have to run, and Jason didn’t have to worry that we were going to wander into the wrong house while we were drunk. Eventually, we actually had those dreaded neighborhood cookouts. We started doing the serious planning for the wedding, and Jason helped me to get a job working with the company he had just gotten hired on at. Jason became my work husband and Jewel was my woman that I looked forward to seeing when I came home from work. It was a joke at work that we shared a wife. It was about this time that I realized that I had changed a lot from the woman I was when I got married. My ex was always on the road or off at some sort of training, and when he came home, he wanted that woman who would bow down and do as he said. Jewel helped me to have a backbone for the first time in a long time. And I finally opened up to her about the shit that had happened and that was happening whenever he came home. She never offered advice, but she was my ear and my shoulder when I needed it.

Jewel’s wedding was the most fun that I ever had photographing… I never liked doing events, but I despised portraits of adults as well, so it really only left room for photographing kids and nature or architecture. I cut my friends a huge break and only charged them for an hour before the wedding and for the ceremony itself, and didn’t charge them to photograph the reception. That was probably a good thing considering it was an open bar and Jewel had instructed the bartender to send a drink my way any time he saw that I did not have one in hand. I saved all of my cups from that night, and after looking at the evidence days later, I’ll just say that I’m surprised that I have what fuzzy memories that I do recall from that October night. Jewel’s oldest son had to drive me home that night because I knew that there was no way I was going anywhere. I showed up and it was obvious that the babysitter had partied a little too hard that night… Instead of busting her out about it, I informed her that I was going back across the street and that I would see her later. When I stumbled across the street, Jewel informed me that she still hadn’t packed for her honeymoon and that we had to do so NOW. So upstairs we went. In the course of all this, I remember sitting in her suitcase, crying, begging her not to leave me or to at least take me with her. The next day, Jewel called me from Jamaica cussing me for everything I was worth because thanks to me, she had nothing to wear on her honeymoon except a t-shirt, a pair of sweats, and some thongs… Apparently I also threw all of her clothes out of her suitcase in my meltdown.

I have a million other stories about my wonderful JuJu, she really inspired me and my attitude. She helped me find a hairstylist, she helped me find a lawyer, but more importantly, she also helped me find myself after being gone for a few years. We’re twisted sisters, and even being a thousand miles apart, we’re still each other’s right hand. When I’m in pain and I feel like there’s no one I can turn to, I call her. When the boys are making me absolutely insane, I call her. When I question all the changes I’ve made in the last two years, I call her. When she feels like making our shared husband blush, she tells him to get a California king because I’m moving in and she’s sleeping in the center!

Why Purple?

2012-02-18T16:06:00.000-05:00

As a chick that has dyed her hair nearly every color under the sun (and even multiple colors at once) one thing that everyone asks me is why purple? Why is purple my go-to color? Why do I love it so much? Why do I insist on standing out in a crowd?
When living in a teeny tiny town, wouldn't it be better to have a color that blends in and to try to be as normal as possible? Well, maybe. But one thing that I have learned is that no matter what you look like and what you do, when you live in a small town like this, people will analyze (actually OVER-ANALYZE) every little thing you say or do. That being said, should I bother trying to keep my head down and fit in, or should I dare to stand out in every way possible?
I chose the latter of the two.When living in Indy, the only concern that I had about my appearance was what my boss would let me get away with. And as long as I was clothed (even in sweats) and capable of doing my job, he never gave a damn. When I started going through more hell than I could stand with my ex-husband, I experimented with color... I tried red and pink and even platinum. They never fit. I had my secrets, and I didn't dare to talk about them, but I had to find a way to get them out. Purple was it. I found this gorgeous shade of purple one night when I was getting my hair styled and told my stylist to forget everything else, THAT was the color I wanted!
In case you all don't already know, the official color against domestic violence is purple. They make these awesome purple ribbons for it, but I never liked ribbons anyhow. My hair stood out more than any ribbon ever would anyhow... After going through everything I went through, the first thing that I did was reach out to women that I knew were in similar situations and that I had a feeling were going through the same thing. I helped some of these women get out of their situations and helped them find a safe place away from the abuse that they were used to.
When I finally got out of it myself, I tried to hide that part of me. I went home and thought that I could slide right in for a little while until I knew what I was going to do with my life. Within a week though, everyone around me knew the innermost secrets of my life. They knew the hell I'd gone through and I felt so exposed. I thought that I would never get past that. I once again experimented with coloring my hair and tried to be the normal person that had never been hurt that I knew most of them wanted me to be. It didn't work. I finally went into a dark phase and just stayed brown or black with my hair, anything but the natural blond, because I knew I'd never be that girl again.
My old boyfriend had a fit when I dyed it purple once and we had to go to church with his family for his niece's christening. I pulled it up in a clip and ignored everyone's stares while we were there. I actually made a friend in the preacher's wife who thought that I was amazing with my way of words, my vulgar mouth, and my "different" appearance. I went back to the black hair to keep from embarrassing him anymore. After he and I were over though, the game was on. The first experiment that I tried was black with cherry red, blue, pink, and purple. It was amazing. I did a few different things until I finally settled back to purple, sometimes a more subtle purple than others though.
As you can imagine, there are plenty of people that ask me about it. I've shared my story with many women. The guys that I've been seeing, it's harder to talk to about it all. Perhaps I'll start directing them to my blog so that they can read all about it.
I will say that I feel confident that I am finally helping people... My big ass mouth online and in person has inspired a lot of people to make changes in their lives. It's funny that purple hair seems to have made it so much easier to talk to people. People don't expect me to be perfect and to have led the perfect life. Although, I know how to spot more people that have been through the same shit as me... I look for the ones who are doing anything they can to just look and feel normal. As long as I feel like I'm helping people, I'll never try to be normal again... Let's face it, I'm about as sane as your favorite nut house patient anyhow...
Well folks, that's all I got for ya. Time to start packing up stuff for Thing Two's birthday party tomorrow.

Two Years...

2012-02-17T19:01:00.000-05:00

A lot can change in two years. Two years ago, I had filed for divorce, quit my job, and was ready to embark on a new journey with my life. My parents came up to help me move back home and to be honest, I was already terrified. To say that my ex-husband was not stable was a serious understatement... A lot happened while I was there. We had a relationship that towards the end was full of abuse. Mental, verbal, emotional, and physical...
While we were packing the ex cornered me in the bedroom and we'll just say that it was less than a pleasant experience. He locked the door, shoved me against the wall, and told me that he wanted to see me cry. When that didn't work, he held me there and proceeded to tell me everything that he could do to me right then and that there was nothing my parents or anyone could do about it. I begged, I pleaded, I told him I still loved him and I said that I would never leave. I said whatever I had to just to make sure that he would let me out of that room and that my life would be safe.
Shortly after that, he left for a doctor's appointment. My family and I threw as much stuff as we could in the two vehicles, grabbed the kids and the dog, and called my ex and told him that he could meet us at the Burger King down the road to say goodbye to the kids. It was a horrible scene, and I would never want to go through it again, but there was no other way. We drove through the night. I remember reaching the Tennessee mountains and still being scared that I saw his headlights in my rearview mirror and hitting the gas pedal harder just to put more distance between us.
At 6:00 the next morning, we reached Columbus, Georgia, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe, but I still didn't feel safe. We ate a quick breakfast and got back on the road until we reached Lumpkin. As soon as we got there, my parents climbed into their car and drove to Dawson. My boys went into my sister's house and woke their cousins up to play. My sister went to take a nap. I sat in the recliner in an upright position and tried to think of just what the hell I would do with my life. I went for a walk, got a Pepsi and a Snicker and looked around and tried to decide if this place could be home. I went back, got in the car, and drove to the General Store, where I got the most horrible cheeseburger I think I had ever had (turns out that the man who usually makes them did not that day, because that's the best cheeseburger ever now!), and talked to some of the locals... None of them knew me anymore, but I knew that would change fast if I stuck around... I just had no idea how fast.
The evening came around and my kids went to bed as is nothing was wrong, but I still couldn't sleep, so I went on a drive to visit my old boyfriend from high school... He took me to an absolute dive of a restaurant with loud country music, greasy tables, holes in the chairs, and a trailer park out back. We danced the night away, talked and laughed about the way that we thought our lives would turn out and felt the slap of reality when we were faced to look at how they really did. We went back to his place and tried to pretend that we were teenagers in love again, but we both knew that that night would be a mistake that we would put in our pasts just like we had everything else.
I finally made it back to my sister's house at about 3:00 that morning... I never imagined that she would be up and waiting for me. I cried and told her about everything that I had been through in the last few years and about what I feared to come. We stayed up and watched tv, I'm sure she had no idea what to say, we both thought that the things that had happened to me were things that only happened in crappy Lifetime movies... We never imagined that it would happen to either of us.
The next morning was my youngest son's second birthday. We were determined to not let these events ruin that for him, so the whole family got together at Burger King and had cake and presents. By this time I had not slept in days, not even napped. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see or feel was being trapped in that bedroom and I instantly feared for my life.
I went back to my sister's house that night, and I drank. I drank until I passed out. For a long time, it was the only way I could sleep. For a long time, it was the only thing that took the edge off. I got into a very wrong relationship as a result of this, but quickly found my way out, and then I met Steven. This time last year, Steven promised me that he would never let anyone treat me like that again and that nothing bad would ever happen to me again. Steven made me not want or need to drink. I felt safe with him. I could sleep at night when he was there...
Well, needless to say, I'm not sleeping so well anymore. It's been two years since I've been gone, and I'm not scared of the same bastard, just every other bastard out there... Scared that every guy out there is going to change just like the ex did.
Well, that's enough for tonight.

Feeling Frumpy...

2012-02-16T09:42:00.000-05:00

I'm just gonna be straight up honest... When am I not?
For the past few weeks, I haven't felt like me... I've been kinda depressed. I've been experiencing more mood swings than a pregnant woman and menopausal woman in the same room with no ice cream or chocolate. Mostly I've gone between angry and sad with small bits of happiness sprinkled in. I don't know how to snap out of it.
Today's effort in feeling better and finding myself again is going to get my hair done. I think a new hair style and some nice hot wax is probably the cure to everything... It's definitely nice to get treated, so hopefully it will work.
If that doesn't work, I'm going to the mall, getting nails done, and buying a whole new wardrobe. I just have to find the man with the credit card capable of doing that first... Did I forget to mention that I'm taking applications for a Sugar Daddy? Me love you long time.
Grrrr... Sorry, short post for now. Maybe today will be a two for one day... I'm sure something will inspire me later... =)

Today's Generation, Technology, and Communication. Or Lack Thereof...

2012-02-15T08:33:00.000-05:00

I have been having a bitchfit for the last few weeks (YEARS) about something and I think it's time to let it out... My generation SUCKS! We're the technology generation and we have absolutely no clue what to do without it. And yes, I'm included in on this.

When I was a teenager, I got my first cell phone. I thought it was soooooo cool that I could call and talk to people no matter where I was and that they could call me. I used this phone for EVERYTHING. It also really came in handy to use it and tell people that I wasn't at home when I really was and just didn't want to see them... Yes, I suck as a human being, I've established that many times before...
Time went on and text messaging came about. Or shall I say SMS, for those of us old enough to remember it being called that. This was something that I was late to the ballgame on this because my parents, and later my now ex-husband, didn't want to pay for it. They thought, like I did, that it was just as simple to pick up the phone and call. Then picture messaging... This was something that I HAD to have, so I quickly put my foot down and told the ex that there would be absolutely no bedroom action until he changed our phone plan. That's when I discovered the wondrous ways of texting, and I quickly became an addict. Why call someone when I can just shoot them a text? And texts are there to reference back to until you delete them... Not so easy with a phone call.

Well, now days, we have our smartphones with Facebook, email, internet, and yes of course texting... How many of us actually use them to make a phone call? How many of us go an entire day without hearing the peoples voices that we are "talking" to? I know I've done it. It's stupid. It's frustrating. It's horribly crazy. But you know something? I have realized that I have become scared to call someone for fear of being rude or interrupting them in the middle of something important... Yep. It's that crazy. I will text, and text, and text again, and maybe send an email or Facebook message, but how often do I actually call someone?
Yesterday I had a particular person that I believe I had sent four texts to and not heard anything in return. I was rather peeved. Then I remembered that the last time I was texting and didn't hear back, his texts simply hadn't gone through. I felt like an idiot. I hem hawed around and I finally gave in and called him... Of course, he fussed at me for ignoring him. Yay me, don't I feel like a dumbass? But couldn't this have been avoided if one of us had just picked up the damn phone a little sooner? Couldn't a lot of frustration have been saved? Yes, it could have, but does anyone in our generation really know how to use a phone for it's intended purpose? I'm thinking not...
Another case... I was hanging out with a friend at the mall yesterday. Apparently someone else saw him and rather than actually come over and say hello, they decided to send a text. Whoops. Their phone was dead. So they still did not bother to get off their ass to come say hello to him. Instead, they opted to text several hours later to say "Hey. Saw you at the mall today." REALLY??? What the hell is wrong with us? Are we that scared of actually communicating and using our voices?

I challenge each and every one of you today to actually hold a conversation with a friend or a loved one rather than send them a text, email, or some other type of message and taking the easy way out... Who knows, you might enjoy it. And likely, they will too!

Mommy's Night Out!

2012-02-10T13:22:00.000-05:00

Of all the things I took for granted before having kids and before I moved back home, I think night's out are what I miss the most. I was never extremely wild with my nights before kids, but I certainly miss being able to go out without lugging the boys along and being able to just cut loose and have fun.
When I lived in Indy I had a regular babysitter that I used for when I had hair appointments or for when I would be back before 11. This girl was one who cooked a meal for the boys, cleaned the house, did my laundry, read them a story, and was pretty much a better mom to my kids than I was. Problem was that she just couldn't be used to stay late. My friend's kid was the one we used for staying late. He played video games, put Kyle's diapers on backwards, and would often leave my house smelling like burnt popcorn and Pizza Hut, but he stayed until me and his mom came crawling in at 3 in the morning.
Since I've been home, I can only recall one night out when my kid's weren't at their dad's... I sent them to my brother's house, went out to a bar, came home at 10, and passed out. Oh the joy and excitement. Most recently though, I did send them off for a weekend so that I could go visit friends out of state... I actually did better this time than most times and didn't call to bug my brother and see how they were.
I've come to realize that it really does a mom good to have a night out away from kids... It's peaceful. It's fun. And it's amazing what trouble you can get yourself into if you just allow yourself the opportunity... So tonight, I'm going out, even if it's only a movie and a burger with a friend, and I'm going to get myself dolled up and have a hell of a time. Why? Because mommy needs a night out so that she can remember why she likes nights in with the kids!
I will see you all tomorrow, and I'll try to give you all the gory details...

Alicia's Rules Of Dating

2012-02-06T09:20:00.000-05:00

I'll start off by saying that I've always been a weird one when it comes to the whole dating thing. When I was a teenager and first ventured into the whole world of dating, all of my friends quickly paired off with someone that they chose to stay with for most of their high school days... Not me. I made myself rules, mostly because I was able to see how this worked out for them. What were these rules? Well, I'll share them with you now, along with the new and updated version...

Rule 1: If he doesn't completely repulse you, give him at least one date before you say you want nothing to do with him... You never know when there could be a diamond in the rough. (Please note that I have learned you can also find a lot of losers this way, which is the reason for a lot of added rules...)

Rule 2: If you don't feel like you love him or could love him within two weeks, it's time to cut your losses and move on. There are circumstances that could lead to an extra week to give it a fighting chance, but honestly, you should know by this point if you want to go any further.

Rule 3: If he doesn't have a car, a place of his own, and a job, it does not matter how cute or charming he is, stay away from him... We don't need someone to drag us down, we need someone to build us up.

Rule 4: If he has more than one kid, make sure he doesn't want more... If he has more than two kids, stay away, everyone can't fit in the same car and it doesn't matter how much you love his kids, you will lose your f***ing mind!!! Yes, I have found this out the hard way...

Rule 5: If he is not at least 32, he's too young to understand being an adult. Stay away. There are few exceptions to this rule... Men under 32 are generally just good for a good time and then you should leave them be.

There are many other rules that I have, but this is a sampling of the most important ones to me... I have a few superficial ones; no dating anyone under 5' 9", and no dating skinny guys... I like someone with some meat on their bones. Again, there are exceptions to this rule, but not often... I don't date guys without tattoos, generally if they have four or five they don't mind mine. I don't like long hair, but I can get used to it on some guys...

Oh, most importantly, if a guy goes through my purse, it's time to get the hell away RIGHT then. We don't wait to finish dinner, we get out NOW. If a guy brings his kid along on a date and says he doesn't have money to pay for food, tell him to kiss your ass and get away. If a guy calls you up and expects you to ditch everything for him right then, give him directions to go to hell where he belongs...

These might be all the reasons why I am still single, but if I can't find someone who meets all of this, I can do just fine on my own... I am right now.

One Day...

2012-02-01T16:05:00.000-05:00

One Day...
By: Alicia Lee Canington

One day you'll miss me,
One day you'll be sorry,
One day you'll realize you were wrong,
And you'll want to call me.

Today, you are angry,
Today you want to hurt me,
Today you'll make me cry,
Today will forever change my mind.

Tomorrow will be too late,
Apologies will not work,
Tomorrow will be too late,
Because today, I am hurt.

One day, you will miss me,
One day, you will see,
One day I will not stand by,
And wait for a halfhearted apology.

Today though, I am lonely,
Today, I miss our talks,
Today, I wish you'd call me,
And say this hurt is false.

One day, you will miss me,
One day you'll be sorry,
One day you'll want to call me,
But one day will never be.

Introducing Me...

2012-02-01T14:02:00.000-05:00

I'm tattooed, I'm pierced, I've dyed my hair so much that I'm not quite sure what the natural color is, and I have opinions of my own, but I've learned when to share them and when to just keep my mouth shut.
I love people because of who they are, not because of how much money they make, their appearance, who their family is, or what they can get for me.
I have lots of friends, all from different walks of life, and they have made the list of people that I love dearly. I would do anything for them, and they would do anything for me.
I don't scare easily... People should think of this before they make threats.
I tend to get angry easily, something else that people should think about before they push my buttons.
My children mean the world to me, I'd go to hell and back for them.
I've been through a lot in my life, and I'm sure the devil has much more in store for me.
I am a Christian, and I believe that God will never put more on me than I can handle, although lately, I feel as though he's trying to make me just that much stronger.
If you have any other questions and/or comments, please feel free to bring them straight to me, otherwise, SHUT UP!

The Death Of Me...

2012-01-31T17:17:00.000-05:00

The Death Of Me
By: Alicia Canington

With every blow,
I felt nothing but fear,
I thought you would kill me,
I thought the end was near.
My body went numb,
I thought I was dead,
Everything went black,
As I lay there in bed.
When I awoke,
To face reality,
I found it was no nightmare,
The horror you’d done to me.
When I awoke,
I wished I was dead,
A part of me was missing,
For it died in that bed.
I couldn’t find me,
There was no love, nor any trust.
I couldn’t find me,
For I had died, along with us.
I made a decision,
I decided to leave.
I made the decision,
Because life with you could never be.
I made the decision,
Because you’d have been the death of me.
Time has now passed,
The wounds have now healed,
But so much can be said,
For feelings kept concealed.
I see you,
Everywhere I go.
I see you,
In everyone I know.
I made the decision,
The decision was to leave,
So why is it I still feel,
That you were the death of me?

Goodbye January!

2012-01-31T16:09:00.000-05:00

January was the start of a new year, and what I had hoped to start off as a very good year for me. Let's just say that January brought CHALLENGES. The year did not start off as planned at all. Some stuff happened that caused me to really start to make some changes in my life, who I allow in my life, and what I allow to go on. It also changed the way that I communicate with my ex-husband and made me set some ground rules that he WILL follow or else we will go back to court and I will fight until he never sees the boys again. Why did I attack him you may ask? Because what happened was HIS FAULT and I will likely never forgive him or trust him again because of it. Now, instead of having the wonderful "I don't have to talk to you" relationship that we had, I have to talk to the bastard every day and pray that he has the same respect when the boys go up there in April and for the summer.
February is bringing lots of good things my way though. Micheal (the 5 year old) is starting to see a new psychiatrist and we are hoping to get a hold on the ADHD thing with no drugs. That will be a blessing that I can't wait for! I am REALLY hoping that this will cut down on my stress and help me have a tiny bit more energy, because I can tell you that passing the hell out at 9:00 every night is certainly not for me.
On my happiest note, my addiction (ThirtyOne) is starting a new catalog in February that I can't wait to order from, and I would suggest it to all of you too! The customer special in February is one that you won't want to miss... For every $31 you spend, you receive 31% off an additional item. This means that you can save HUGE! I have big plans to do some shopping for myself soon, I mean after all, my birthday is in March, and I figure I deserve a damn good birthday present.
Well, I'm gonna run... Kids are home, driving me crazy, so I'm going to attempt to get them outside to play.

Two Blonde Bitches...

2012-01-27T15:43:00.000-05:00

After catching the two blonde bitches today...

I have two enormous pains in my life. And for once, I am not referring to my boys. As a matter of fact, the pains are not male at all, they are female! Who or what are they? Roxie and Goldie... The two yard dogs that my mom and I have.
Roxie has gone from being the sweet adorable yellow lab puppy that my ex-boyfriend bought me (in an attempt to make up for his being an asshole and for my own dogs that I loved dearly disappearing) to a giant, muscular (although still very beautiful), hyperactive, pain in the ass and whatever other body part of mine that she comes into contact with. By the way, Roxie is the ADD one with the pink collar on that cannot even be bothered to look while her photo was being taken.
Goldie is my mom's golden retriever that has apparently forever been a pain in the ass. Very sweet dog, but very hyperactive. You would think that being a few years old would eventually calm her down. It hasn't.
Today, I was tired of sitting at the computer and waiting on responses from people on some business deals, so I thought it might be nice to take Roxie out for a walk. It's been a while since I really got out there with her and I figured she deserved it. Well, here lies the problem. She had lost her collar, so I bought her a new one. It was time to try out this new collar today. I put it on her... Fairly tight, but I didn't want to take any chances and I figured that I would be taking it off of her immediately after the walk anyhow. Apparently her neck is now bigger than her head because she slid right out of it ran like hell. In this hassle, Goldie managed to make it out of their pen. When Roxie and Goldie were both freed, they went on a rampage. They ran like hell all over the yard. As if running all over the yard weren't bad enough, they fooled us into thinking that we had caught them... Yep, in our hands they were, and just like that, they were gone.

Hard to believe that Roxie used to be this cute little puppy.

So off we ran after them. But this time they were nowhere to be seen. We walked all around my yard, whistling and calling, all through the neighbor's yard, and even down the dirt road. They were nowhere in site. Finally, we gave up and went to the car so that we could go further. We drove for two miles... Almost to the creek. The dogs were nowhere to be seen. Wait a second, two big yellow balls of fur. Laying down. Inside a friggin' fence. When I stopped, Roxie goes running because she just KNEW she was in trouble. My friend caught her and we got her and helped to wrestle her collar back on. Goldie was now inside the fence crying like she had no idea how to get out. I go put a leash on her and lead her out... Roxie at this point begins to go wild again. I traded dogs, went to the drivers side of the car, and attempted to pick her up and put her butt in the car... That didn't go well. She knocked my head into the door and damn near knocked my lights out for a minute. It was at this point that I had to decide not to let a dog get the best of me. I shoved her ass in, slammed the door, and ran to the other side before she had the chance to overpower my friend as she tried desperately to get the other dog in through the other door. I struggle for a minute with her, but was finally able to get everything in but her tail and she just laid there, refusing to move any further. I probably spent more time trying to get her tail tucked in than in doing anything else... FINALLY got it in, slammed the door, jumped in the car, and my friend and I dragged Goldie out first since she seemed most terrified of the car. Put her in the pen, and wouldn't you know it, she tried to make a run for it again! At the same time we realized that Roxie had also made her way to the front of the car and she jumped out the drivers side window. Unlike Goldie though, Roxie was ready for her nice safe pen.
All this has been said just so that you can know that I have had a hell of a day. I'm tired. I'm in pain. My dog is mean. And oh yeah, I'm going to get her ass a harness because I refuse to let her be such a pain in the ass. My children might be awful little shits, but my dogs have always been well behaved.
This is me, signing off, going to Tractor Supply, buying a harness, going to Sonic and getting a damn cheeseburger, and then, I'm going to soak in a tub of hot water tonight.

Work...

2012-01-27T11:55:00.000-05:00

Today I'm working. I'm irritable. My body aches. I'm hungry. My head has started hurting. I think I'm allergic to this thing called work. Seriously, it happens every damn time.
Seriously though, today, I'm doing something that I'm hoping will turn out wonderfully. I always try to encourage people to support their local economy and to support their local businesses. A lot of people don't realize that I actually do work sometimes... My mom builds websites, and while I do help with that, I'm mostly good at running my mouth, so what I actually do is gather information and promote local businesses.
Last night/early this morning, I had a brainstorm on something that I wanted to do for a website that has taken the back burner for a little while now. I want to help revive one of our counties close by and help their small businesses thrive in this rough economy.
I'm starting this right now in Stewart County, specifically in my hometown of Lumpkin. It has a TON of tourist attractions that people from all over still come in for, but the local businesses just don't get the attention that they used to and it is heartbreaking to see some of these businesses failing right now. I came up with a plan that I believe with enough cooperation and promoting will work.
The first thing that I am doing is putting together a list of local tourist attractions for each county, i.e. the reason that people should go there. Next, I'm talking to each of the businesses to sponsor the page for a small fee. These businesses will mostly be your restaurants and places to shop in the area, although all of them are more than welcome to participate. All the businesses that participate will get their own page to tell more about their business and show off just what is so amazing about them and why people should visit them while they are in the area. The next thing that we'll do is help out the entertainers. If there is a band in the area, I would LOVE to know about it so that we can help them to get bookings and so that we can build a page for them as well. This will be especially helpful in the next part of the site that I would like to work on: LOCAL EVENTS! How can we attract people to local events with local entertainment if no one knows who they are? This will be the key to it!
If any of you on here are from Southwest Georgia, PLEASE help me to get this going. I promise that although I'm working on Stewart County now, I'm going to do one for each county. I would love to see all of our small businesses thriving again!

Dear Replacement...

2012-01-26T15:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Replacement,

The ex told me about your impending nuptials. I will admit that my first reaction was to ask where to send the sympathy card to. I do not envy you. I do not want him back. If I could have him out of my life for good, I would do it. I will never miss the drinking, the lying, the cheating, or him having his hands on me. I will never miss the shit he put me through and I try to avoid all the shit he continues to try to put me through.
The more I thought about it though, the more I decided that it would be a bad idea to send a sympathy card. I will admit that I began to think that maybe funeral flowers were a better choice. I started to worry for you that you were going down the same path as me and that this was indeed your own funeral. I would never wish any of the things he did to me on anyone... Because of him I do not trust a single human being. I don't trust men not to treat me like he did, and I don't trust my family and friends to believe me when I say that there is a problem anymore. It's hard.
I continued to think though, you have been warned by all of my old friends and neighbors. They told you what he did to me. I told you what he did to me. You didn't believe any of us. You called them all liars. You told them that I was a liar. You told lies about me. You told them that I was this evil bitch that did mean and evil things to the man you loved.

After all this thinking, I finally came to the conclusion that you really do deserve a card. A thank you card. I just can't find one in Hallmark to say everything I want it to say, so instead I'm writing you this letter.
I cannot express how deeply appreciative I am that you moved in with my husband two weeks after I moved out. It made leaving him so much easier. It was so relaxing around here when you convinced him that he didn't want his kids anymore. The phone never rang and he and I never fought, he does however have a responsibility to help take care of the children that he helped to create. I'm so sorry if you never wanted children. You will now be spending summers and a few other weeks out of the year with them. This is the payment you will make to me for living in the house that I helped pay for and decorated. This is the price you pay for having almost all of my old things. This is the price you for having slept with my husband.
Along with my thanks, I will also do my best to not pick on you about your age anymore. I will apologize to you for teaching my boys to call you the bearded lady... And if you promise to wax, I promise to come up with a more creative nickname for them to call you. I will try not to poke fun at how you so desperately try to look like me, although there really is no way for you to do so.
Thank you so much for all that you have done in helping to tear down what was left of an unhappy home. Your services have been very appreciated. I hope that when you get enough of him you take half of my stuff with you when you go since you've never had anything of your own and likely never will if you never get off your ass to get a job.
Now is the time to warn you. If you EVER come between him and my children again, I will personally tie you up by your ponytail and beat you to a pulp. If you ever hurt my children, you will die an unimaginably painful death, preceded by unimaginably painful torture. So, if I were you, I would walk a fine line.

With Gratitude,
The Ex-Wife

Ah, Cinderella...

2012-01-26T07:56:00.000-05:00

Growing up, every little girl dreams of her fairy tale. Everyone wants their prince. They all want their happily ever after. I was never that girl.

I wanted the big white house on the highway that we drove by every morning, you see, but when my mom told me that I would have to marry THAT BOY one day to get that house, I quickly started having other dreams. I never wanted to get married. I never cared about find Prince Charming. I never wanted kids. I never believed in perfect. I definitely never believed in happily ever afters.

I can remember as a little girl watching Cinderella. I can remember thinking, “Ah, poor Cinderella, right when it starts getting good, you’re left with nothing but a damn pumpkin and some stupid rats.” I never cared to watch after that because I knew that they would end up together, but really it just seemed like way too much work... And honestly, a lot of torture. Who the hell wants that?

I have always been a weird one. I have my own ideals about life. I scared the shit out of my mom probably a million times. I was “5 going on 50” and so forth. I was well-reserved. Even the wild teenage stuff that I remember doing was nothing compared to the stuff I knew I could be doing. I was more grown up that that though and was kind of ashamed of my peers doing such stupid things.

It was no surprise that when I started dating that I had this one rule. I didn’t go by the guy’s appearance or any judgments I had made previous to him asking me out (unless I absolutely abhorred him), I would try to give the guy a chance, but if I wasn’t “in love” with him after two weeks, it was time for him to go. Also, if he pissed me off before those two weeks, he was out anyhow. It honestly made it very easy to line up your next boyfriend if you knew that you were going to be breaking up with one very shortly to. Come to think of it, I was very smart when I made this rule. I remember the first one to make it through this rule. His name was Billy. Of course, we broke up by week three. Then there was Waylon, my first love. He and I actually lasted three months, then broke up and constantly talked about getting back together for the next six months before he broke my heart by giving up on me. After that, my ex-husband. He and I lasted for quite a while obviously. After that split though, there’s only been one.

The problem is, I’m still reminded of my feelings of Cinderella. Just when it starts getting good I’m left with a friggin’ pumpkin and a bunch of stupid ass rats. They always screw up and the whole thing falls to pieces in front of me, never to be restored to the full awesome that it once was. The last one, the one after my ex-husband, was the best at keeping the fairy tale up the longest. When it fell apart though, it did in a BAD way and we could never get the fairy tale back. We tried and failed so many times. And we got so angry with each other when we tried and failed. It destroyed our friendship and everything about us.

I’ve figured out now that while it was a smart plan in theory, there are a few flaws. You see, that love in the beginning like that is the fairy tale love… The kind where you’re up each other’s asses and everything still smells like roses. The kind where you don’t get that mutual respect and rules for how things will go because you never give each other the space to need those rules and boundaries. Well, fairy tale love doesn’t last. Simple as that. And when the fairy tale fades away, you’re going to be angry if you never took the time to establish those rules and boundaries and explore all of this. And it doesn’t matter how much it smelled like roses before, now if you try it, you’re only going to smell shit.

That being said, I don’t want a fairy tale, I want something real. I don’t want them to be perfect, just perfect for me. I don’t want someone that feels like he has to come to see me immediately after he gets off work, but I want him to at least have the damn decency to let me know where he’s at if he doesn’t. I don’t want someone who constantly lavishes me with gifts and flowers, but surprising me now and then wouldn’t be bad either. By the way, it’s not a surprise if you call me and say “Hey, what kind of flowers do you like again?” And I will call you a retard and say that you should know that.

Sorry folks, this is where my head is today. Hope you enjoyed. I’ll talk to you all again soon.

Teenagers?

2012-01-25T08:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is the last of this series... My fear of teenagers.
My fear is more about my boys turning into the type of teenager that I once was and that I was once attracted to. The badasses of the world. You see, there's not much that I didn't try pulling over on my mom. Going out to "study" when I was really going to a college party. Sneaking guys over when my mom was out of town. Dating the guys that I was forbidden to contact. Going to see said guy when I was supposed to be going to my sister's house. Oh, there wasn't a lot that I didn't try at least once. Illegal drugs were something that I never had time for, but almost anything else was on. I still don't know why I didn't experiment with illegal drugs, but it just never seemed worth it to me to do them... THANK GOD!
What I did though seems to be nothing compared to some of the teenagers today... I have cousins (who shall remain nameless) that used to think they could come over to my house for their underage drinking and illegal drug activity. They do it out in the open. They post it on Facebook FOR THE WORLD TO SEE! They are STUPID! Don't get me wrong, I had my first drink when I was 15. Got DRUNK for the first time at 16. But I did it in the privacy of my sister's boyfriend's home/barn and I never got out on the roads with it. Never bragged or took pictures and certainly never posted it online for anyone to see.
I think what I fear most is the stupidity. I fear my boys turning into those teenagers that go out, drink and drive, and kill themselves or someone else. I fear them ruining their lives. I fear them being their cousins or worse than their cousins. I fear the small town way of life that makes them think that all of this is okay because all the cops know their mom and let them get away with it. YES, this happens ALL THE TIME here. More specifically in my hometown. Don't forget, my brother owns the wrecker service, so I know all the dirty little secrets.
I do have one amazing teenager in my life though. She either has pulled the wool over my eyes really well or she is truly a good kid. I spent yesterday hanging out with her and I'll be spending a few more days with her as she transitions from one school to another. Don't get me wrong, I know she's not perfect. I caught on to a few things yesterday that made me think "I was your age once, I know what you're up to" (please imaging that in a granny tone, because it totally makes me feel granny-fied thinking it) and I almost called her out on it. The truth is though, I've been there and I know that all teenagers are going to hide things from adults, it just all depends on what they don't realize that we know... I was one... A few years ago.
Please don't tell me that with good parenting I can prevent my boys from becoming rotten teenagers. I'm investing in a better plan... I'll either send them to stay with their aunt Fae, or I'll get a house with a basement that I can lock them in and we'll homeschool. I KNOW that one of those options will work.
Until next time...

Small Children Terrify Me...

2012-01-24T13:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, so remember how I said small children terrify me? Now I will tell you why.

I am the youngest of five children. One stepsister, my brother and sister from my mom’s previous marriage, and then my sister and I from my mom and dad’s marriage. Because of this, there is an exponential age gap. My stepsister is of course the oldest, followed by my brother and oldest sister, and wayyyyy down the line is my sister and I. I actually have always loved this because of the simple fact that while my older siblings were almost old enough to be my parents, they were way cool teenagers and young adults when I was coming up and they were some of the greatest friends that I could ask for.

The problem came when they got married and started having kids. My sister got married when I was about 4 and she had her first daughter shortly after I turned 5. The baby was a preemie and the main thing that I remember was a lot of crying and not much else in the time that she stayed with us. I remember feeling like we never slept. Then she left and when she came back that baby was replaced with a toddler. And while I’ll give her credit that she was the coolest toddler and little kid that I have ever seen, MAN did she EVER get me and my sister in trouble! That kid was unstoppable. While I thought she was hard though, my brother gets credit for giving me the actual fear of children. He married a woman that already had two hellions of her own. Female hellions. The oldest was a crazy kid unlike one I had ever seen in my life; the youngest was a crybaby from hell that would tell her mom any and everything that we did that could possibly hurt her feelings. Did I mention that I wasn’t quite a year older than the oldest and about two and a half years older than the youngest? Well, without going into grave detail about their situation, I’ll say in the course of that marriage, I had my nose broken with a Famous Amos oreo cookie, was given two black eyes from a PURSE, and was stabbed in the throat and almost given a homemade tracheotomy with an ink pen. Crazy friggin’ females. The mood swings start YOUNG!

The older I got, the worse this fear got. You see, given that my siblings were so much older, I acted much older than I was. When I was at a good age for babysitting, I would tell people that I would rather dig ditches than be around their evil little children. I got jobs cleaning old ladies’ houses, washing cars, doing pretty much anything but babysitting so that I could have extra cash. It always seemed that any little child was always out to get me. Then, my sister got pregnant and had my little buddy. I LOVED that kid. I brought him with me everywhere that I could from the time I got my driver’s license. He felt like a piece of me. Then along came his little brother. The first thing that happened was that my little buddy, that awesome little kid, got jealous of his brother and turned into a little shit. Then, the older the little brother got, the worse it got. The little brother was a crybaby that ran to his mom every time something didn’t go his way and he would burst into tears if he didn’t get everything he wanted. This meant that for several years, all I ever saw was this child cry. I actually credit myself for breaking him out of a lot of his crybaby ways.

My own kids… Well, the scare the piss out of me every day in new ways. They threaten my life. They throw things at me while I’m driving down the road. They scream like someone is killing them just to see my reaction. They are evil sadistic little assholes. They are a good combination of me and my ex-husband. The greatest pleasure that I get is from knowing that they also behave this way when they are with him. All is right with the world when he calls me damn near in tears, saying he needs a drink, and starts explaining something similar to something that I experienced months earlier. Generally my only thought is, “Haha, just wait and see what they have planned for you next you evil bastard.”

Now that I have started dating though, I have realized the true meaning of fearing children. These are some mean, two-faced, little shits. One guy that I saw very briefly had what appeared to be the most well-behaved little boy ever. Made me feel like a failure as a parent. This kid was amazing… As long as his dad was around! The moment his dad left, he got weird. And he would do stuff and threaten to tell his dad that I was being mean to him. He threw food at me. He called my kids names. He also ran off and hid in a closet when I was supposed to be keeping watch while his dad cooked dinner for us all. And when I tried to tell his dad about all this, he called me crazy. I stopped returning his dad’s calls after that night. It’s worse seeing a man with a little girl. I’ve said several times that it was a blessing for me to have boys. I wouldn’t have a clue about what to do for a girl. I don’t do dresses, pig tails, or braids. It’s not built in. I can’t even put their hair up in a ponytail for Christ sakes! There is a reason why I keep my hair short: LOW MAINTENANCE! And let’s not forget the drama and mood swings with little girls. It’s just about too much for this girl to handle. My boys may have some drama in them, but they can also be pretty chill and relaxed. I’ve never seen a man with a little girl that was chill and relaxed. I’m thinking it doesn’t happen. I definitely think it’s life’s greatest myth.

On top of the rest of the stuff, my boys are now both in school. Both schools are always asking for parent volunteers. I’ve tried, I really have… But have any of you ever sat in a class with 20-30 kids? It’s not something I can quite handle. It’s like it’s written on my forehead to scream as loud as you can, put your germy little hands all over me, and to please cough, sneeze, puke, or release bodily fluids of some sort on me. After the experiences that I’ve had, I never want to be a classroom volunteer again. I’m worried that they may just push me to my limit.

Well, it’s time to run… I’ll catch up with y’all soon.

Pregnant Women Make Me Wanna Run For Cover…

2012-01-23T07:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is another one that I am not 100% certain that I worded it right in my fears, but here goes…

I love all my friends dearly, and because I love them, I will avoid them like the plague if and when they become pregnant. Why is that? For several reasons. Shall I make a list?

· Pregnant women are MEAN

· Pregnant women are very emotional (kinda ties in with the first)

· Pregnant women like to talk nonstop about things that would typically be very personal and off the table, but since they are pregnant, it is not up for open discussion.

· Lastly, pregnant women kinda make me miss the idea of having a big family.

I’ll try to discuss them one by one. And here goes with the first… I remember what I was like as a pregnant person. Not so bad with Micheal, I kept an easygoing attitude and for the most part I sat back and tried not to bother anyone. I listened to all the advice. I didn’t get angry at times that I probably should have. I was a wimp, mostly because I was scared out of my mind about what to expect (I had also been told that I had cancer not long after I found out that I was pregnant, so that probably had a whole lot to do with that). The only thing that I ever remember doing always had to do with the doctor’s office. You see, the doctor that told me I had cancer, ran many different tests on me, didn’t tell me that there was the possibility of miscarrying, and didn’t tell me that I would likely go to the emergency room later, and then didn’t even come check on me while I spent the night in the hospital. I cussed him to high heaven and informed him that I wanted another doctor on my next visit. The midwife was who I chose to see… Main reason being that the other doctor was soooooo cute that the last place I wanted him was “down there”. Well, the midwife was not even safe with me. I had a particularly moody day and I began to feel like she was talking down to me (this combined with the fact that I had started having a lot of pain and a few complications) and I screamed at her until I couldn’t remember why I was screaming.

The second time around, when I was pregnant with Kyle, it was on. I was sick before I knew I was pregnant. I had migraines so bad that my eyesight would come and go, I couldn’t stop puking for more than 15 minutes at a time, and I had to keep up with a toddler. I was moody, I was cranky, and I was a vengeful bitch. The babysitter didn’t give Micheal what I considered to be proper care one day. I refused to pay her, told her how awful she was, and that I hoped her kids grew up to hate her. Why I said that, I don’t know. I wouldn’t really wish it on anybody. The doctor didn’t catch it this time around, but the poor students did. That’s right, I was at a teaching hospital! I hated students. They acted like they couldn’t answer a question when this was obviously what they were in school for. I think the worst though was the poor people in drive-thrus. Lord help them if they didn’t get my order right. I questioned their education, their competency, and their future. I remember one girl in particular that worked at one of the Walmart Subways. I LOVED me some Subway hotdogs. Not sure if they carry them at all Subways or just the Walmart ones, but OMG they are amazing to a fat preggo. I was out shopping with my neighbor and I wanted a hotdog. I walked up front to get one, and I guess I was either taking too long or she sensed that this poor girl was about to get verbally abused because my neighbor came to find me right in the middle of ripping this girl a new ass. She couldn’t fix me a hotdog? What do you mean you can’t fix a hotdog? Are you too stupid to fix a hotdog? Here, I can help you. You don’t even have to turn the fancy machine on, just stick the damn thing in the microwave for 30 seconds. Are you too stupid to do that? I guess the education system up here didn’t prepare you for that, huh? You probably didn’t even make it past elementary school, who am I kidding. I mean really, what kind of person can’t make a hotdog?

Yes, that is how that speech worked. And yes, karma bit me in the ass for it, many times.

Okay, next up… I really don’t want to hear about gas, rhoids, swelling, your new favorite sexual position (come at me when you aren’t preggo and I can give you some really dirty things to try!), or anything else that you should probably talk to your doctor about but you’re assuming that since I birthed my two little demons that I may be open for consulting with. Honey, I’ll tell you, I’ve been there, had a hellacious time, and I don’t wanna go back!

That last paragraph would make you think that I don’t want more kids. That’s not necessarily true. You see, both of my parents were the youngest of five. I am also the youngest of five. When the asshole and I first got married, we agreed that we wanted a big family. Apparently, he agreed to shut me up. After I had demon child number two, he quickly went to get neutered. Probably did the world a favor there because uh, I have his best work and they drive me crazy daily. Well, after the divorce I found out that there is the possibility of me not being able to have more little demon spawn. I jumped for joy and then cried for weeks. Remember that I said possibility, it hasn’t been proven and without a reason, I’m not gonna try to prove it one way or the other. But every single time I go shopping and see the little baby section, I want a baby to hold and play with. Every time I see a pregnant woman, I remember how excited I was while waiting to meet the little boogers. I remember what it was like to bring them home. I remember everything, and I can’t believe that I may never experience that again… Evil parts and all. Honestly, when it boils down to it, I can’t decide if I’d want another… I love my boys, and I love being done with diapers, midnight feedings, breast pumps, and my boobs always feeling like they were ten times heavier than the rest of my body, and too much time around the expecting women and I’m afraid that I might try to go find out if it is at all possible to have one more.

Well, time to step away… Thanks for reading if you made it this far! I can’t wait to share even more stupid irrational fears with you later! What’s next? Oh yeah… Small children, especially little girls!

Why White Dresses Scare The Shit Outta Me…

2012-01-22T12:08:00.001-05:00

I’m going to continue down the list of things that scare me. White dresses are next on that list. Wow… So many things could be said for this.

I got married YOUNG. I was 18. I had so much that I wanted to do, but I didn’t. I met a guy, we made plans, and we followed through. We got married, had a family, moved around the country, and then, it fell apart. And it did in a BIG way. I came out of that marriage with no education, no money, and two little boys. Yes, I had work experience, but nothing relevant to anything that I can do in this part of the world…

After that ended and I went through looking for work, finding work, and losing my job, I decided that it was time to go back to school. I am finally finding me. Well, in the last two years it has been brought to my attention several times that perhaps I should think about settling down again. I’ve been told that it would be more stable for the boys, yada, yada, yada… I was dating a wonderful man for about a year, and we had occasionally brought the subject up, but neither of us really wanted anything to do with it. Thank God! Well, after he and I ended things, I unfortunately came across a brand of psychos unlike any that I have ever seen before, and I’ll tell you about those after I tell you another quick story…

While this man and I were together (and I should mention that for most of this year, he and I practically lived together) I went to a bridal store with my brother’s girlfriend. She was picking up a prom dress for her daughter but thought that it would be fun to look at the wedding dresses. I will admit that some of them were very pretty. I will admit that I could ALMOST picture myself in one or two of them. The problem came when the sales associate decided to ask me if I wanted to try one on. I had a panic attack. The room got really hot and stuffy. I got queasy. I vomited. On the floor thank goodness, and not on the white wedding dresses.

Now on to the psychos… There seems to always be a man out there who is stupid enough to tell you that he wants to marry you before you’ve even been serious enough to consider changing your Facebook relationship status from “Single” to “In A Relationship”. In the last six months, I think I’ve met them all. I have had one tell me on our first date that he thought I would be the perfect mother to his kids. I should mention that he had FOUR children already. FOUR. Holy shit. Four friggin’ kids. No matter how well behaved they are, you have to realize that that’s a hell of a lot to ask someone to deal with, ESPECIALLY when I have two little demons of my own. He started talking about sleeping arrangements for our combined six children and I pulled the I gotta go potty card and dipped out the back door. I could see myself in that situation and it scared me to the core.

The next psycho was a little easier on me. He waited until after our second date to pull that shit. He had no kids though. And, he was rich. Family money. He had a teaching job. Everyone in his family was a bit impulsive, but they were all sweet people, so this really came as no shock to me. I will admit that he came along at a time that I didn’t mind having someone playing a sugar daddy role in my life, so I laughed it off when he would mention the whole idea of marriage and would try to change the subject. About a week and a half into the relationship though, we met at the mall and instead of grabbing dinner and shopping for a new coat like what we had agreed to do, he decided to drag me to a jewelry store. When we got in there he showed me a ring that he had already picked out for me. Nice, expensive ring. I always wanted my prince charming to rescue me, so maybe this was okay, right? He asked the sales girl to get it out so that I could try it on. I didn’t get it over my knuckle before the room got hot and uncomfortable. I slid the ring off super fast, laid it on the counter, and bolted from the store. I did not want to puke there. Only problem was, it wasn’t puke… I had a sudden case of diarrhea. I was trapped in the mall bathroom, damn near shitting myself, for almost an hour as he waited right outside the doorway calling my phone and texting me. I ended it later that evening.

From that point forward, I have tried to stay as far away from the subject of white dresses and engagement rings as I possibly can. Although, I guess my blog title is wrong… Wedding dresses make me vomit. Engagement rings scare the shit outta me.

Why I Am Afraid Of My Mom…

2012-01-22T12:00:00.002-05:00

My previous post was a list of things that I am afraid of… I figured that maybe now would be a good opportunity to elaborate a little on why I am afraid of those things… So, why not start with my mom, seeing as how she was at the top of the list.

My mom is honestly one of the toughest women that I know. She has been through everything that I have been through and then some. She raised four kids; one boy and three girls. I have no real answer as to what makes her so scary in my eyes, and if I did I probably would be smart enough not to post it in fear that she would see it and kill me. After all, she has told me on many occasions that she did bring me into this world and if need be she will take me out of it!

When it boils down to it though, I have always been a Moma’s baby. She is my best friend and I seek her approval in damn near everything I do. I love my mom, as most any normal human being does, and with that love comes respect and a sort of fear. I would never want to lose the relationship that she and I have had all of my life. I won’t lie, when I was a teenager, I did what most teens do and I put her through HELL. I tried to move out, I drank, I hid things from her, I went to wild college parties when I said I was going to study, I snuck around with boys, I dated guys that I was forbidden to talk to. I did almost every imaginable rebellious act that you could think of, and somehow that woman still loves me.

People around town ask me about her. And with my mom, all I have to say is “She’s Moma” and they know exactly what I mean. She doesn’t let anything stop her. She’s strong willed, stubborn, and she’s not afraid of anything or anyone that I know of, as a matter of fact, she’s feared by many. She’s the person I always wanted to be.

So maybe fear isn’t quite the right word for what I feel about my mom, but I know I sure as hell never want to be on the opposing team when it comes to her!

Things That I Am Afraid Of…

2012-01-22T11:36:00.000-05:00

Silly enough, I used to have this impression of myself of being Billy badass and not being afraid of anything. I used to think that fearful people were irrational. The only thing to fear is fear itself, right? I thought that it was stupid. Wellllllll… As with many other things in like, I have found out in the last few years that I was wrong about this. Fear is a healthy thing that keeps us from making mistakes. Those without fear are STUPID!

I may still be stupid because I can tell you that there are many, many times where I am simply unafraid of something. Many things that people fear I have come to accept as just a simple part of my everyday life. I could care less about most stupid stuff. Bugs, spiders, rodents, big dogs… Bring it on. Crazy drivers are more likely to piss me off than scare me. Big men who think they can threaten me? Honey, I’m dynamite. I’ve dealt with much worse.

I have, however, compiled a small list of things that I AM afraid of. I figure that I will let you all explore these fears with me and that perhaps it will give you all a giggle. I have been told that I have some of the craziest fears known to mankind, so let’s see what you all think.

1. My mom.

2. White dresses.

3. Pregnant women.

4. Little children. Particularly little girls.

5. Teenagers.

There you have it folks. Those are my fears. Laugh all you’d like…

My Children… My Little Friends or My Little Enemies?

2012-01-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

This is a debate that I have been having for oh, I dunno, five and a half years now. I cannot decide if these little spawn of mine are my friends or my enemies. Most days, they seem to like me. As a matter of fact, they say they love me. Then there are days, much like today, that I think they are out to get me.

This week alone, they have lined up little toy cars at my doorway for me to step on when I wake up in the morning, fed me a strawberry cereal bar (I’m allergic to strawberries), and screamed FIRE loudly in my ear to jolt me out of a sound sleep. There are many things that they have done over time… They scream while I am doing phone interviews for jobs, they harass mine and my mom’s clients, they scribble on my text books, on my walls, the television, wherever they see fit… They are straight up EVIL at times.

Of course, I will tell you, the feeding of the cereal bar was because mommy said she was hungry, and mommy didn’t check the package when the sweet little child so kindly handed it over. The text books incident, well if I hadn’t left them there, it never would’ve happened. You all get my point, I KNOW that I have some control over these behaviors. I am not, by any means, trying to lay all the blame off on them.

Now the good… I have this absolutely wonderful picture of the sweet little 3 year old from where I was having the day from hell. He put on his Pop Pop’s glasses and gave me this really stern look that made me giggle for probably five straight minutes. When I am having a particularly bad moment, I never have to worry because one of the two will definitely find a way to snap me out of it. They are by far the most expensive entertainment I have ever had. And they for sure give me a lot to talk about when I actually do get out to talk to other grownups

The debate goes on and on, I could sit here and list things on both sides all day long. Who knows what they are plotting next though, so I must be going now.

And We Need A Man… Why?

2012-01-21T10:40:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, and most of the single moms out there or those of you who KNOW me will probably agree, that it gets highly frustrating to be told that my boys and I NEED a man in our lives. I mean, seriously, I think I have it covered. We have a roof over our heads, my children are taken care of, and although they are irritating little shits at times, I have found ways to cope. For instance, I only shop while they are in school. I only go out when I have a sitter. And when I do bring them out, I make it damn clear that they had better behave or otherwise be left on the side of the road. Okay, so that last part is a joke. I typically bring backup when I bring the boys with me anywhere and after I give up on them actually behaving, I bring them back to the car and grieve my loss of a social life.

Truth be told though, I have yet to figure out just what is so great about having a man around “for the boys”. They are like their mom. The only person on earth that they are truly afraid of is Grandma. And honestly, I believe that they are much less afraid of her than I am. I mean, they test her. I NEVER remember testing her. Back to the point, they will never be afraid of any man that I bring into our lives, so the whole theory that a man will make them behave better, well that it just blown out of water.

I can teach my boys all the manly things. I’m about to say what my mom is probably most ashamed of about me… When I was 3 years old, I learned the ancient art of belching. I can belch louder than most men I know. I taught my nephews (much to my sister’s dismay) to burp the alphabet. And while I do not fart, I am not about to condone those little turds farting in my house either. Next up on the list of things that I am sure my mother is ashamed of about me… I have a mouth and mind that could make any trucker or sailor blush. When the time is right, I am certain that I can teach my children to say all the right words in all the right contexts to do the same or better than me. Although I will say that I think part of the reaction that I get is no one expects a 5’3”, petite woman, who looks “so sweet” to say half the shit I say. It is quite hilarious to watch the reactions that I get at times. I credit all the military members in my family and my years in sales to this potty mouth of mine. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way…

Back to the point, why do we NEED a man? Certainly, it would be nice to have one around every so often. I will admit that I like a good snuggle. And it would be nice to not have to play bad cop all the time, but I just do not see why we NEED one. As a matter of fact, the next time that someone pipes off at me and tells me I need a man for my boys, I may just find a pipe and ask them if they would like to rephrase. And honestly, do they really believe that I prefer to be alone?

Signing off… One very frustrated single mom.

We Can't Be Friends...

2012-01-20T12:26:00.001-05:00

***Names have been changed to protect the innocent...***

Everyone knows that Christopher and I broke up in May. Most of you know that this was very painful for me. In fact, when everything first started going down, I unfortunately made a very painful display on Facebook. It was horrible. I got a lot of sympathy and understanding from very close friends, but what I did not get was him back.
Well, the truth is, we were still seeing each other. Using each other as crutches to help cope. We were "friends". That is, until I asked permission to start seeing other people... I was hoping that would cause him to wake up. It didn't. We continued seeing each other while I started seeing other people. This made life difficult and made Christopher angry. Eventually it got so rough that we stopped speaking. He didn't come around at all anymore.
In August, I had finally had enough. I packed up what was left of his things at my place and was hoping to deliver them to his parents house in peace, without seeing a soul. Instead, he met me there. I had moved on. I had picked myself up. He later made the admission that it was seeing me then, the old me, that made him start falling for me again. I had no interest in going down the path that we had just spent months on, but I also didn't want to lose him as a friend. I invited him for a night out with some friends.
That night was disastrous. Things were said and done that can never be undone no matter how much anyone that was there wants to. That night left scars on a lot of friendships. It made some stronger, while it shredded others. Christopher and I were left somewhere in the middle. You see, I love him. I always have and I always will. We tried to find what we once had... But the truth is, it's forever lost.
Over the next few months, we continued to try to force a friendship, to force that bond to come back, but it just didn't happen. The best way that I can explain it is that we were like two magnets. At one point he was the north end and I was the south, and there was an extreme attraction. There was nothing that could keep us apart. But with magnets you have to be careful, because if there is ever a change in polarity, there's a force that keeps them at a distance, never to be together again. Christopher and I's polarity has shifted, and I have accepted that we will never be together again.
We still tried to maintain a friendship. The problem however is the fact that all those problems that caused us to not have a lasting relationship have now spilled over into our friendship. I always hated how he was never on time. Christopher has his own relaxed pace in life, and when he says just a minute, he means it will be nearly an hour. He has NEVER rushed for anything, and he probably never will. I really admire this about him because I am ALWAYS in a rush. He is also a really great friend. The problem is, I always felt like it was to everyone but me. He is there for everyone, and that means that on more than one occasion, I was left to feel like I didn't matter at all. Everyone else always came first, and I never felt like I did. I wouldn't consider myself to be egotistical, but every girl needs to feel like she comes first sometimes. Somehow, I expected it to be different now that we were just friends. Like maybe now I was somehow on a level playing field with everyone else. Well, it isn't. And it makes me angrier now than it did when we were dating.
Now comes the part that sucks. We can't be friends. We can't be friends because all those little things that irritated me before just make me unbelievably angry now. I loved him, and I don't want to hate him, so I feel like it's best just to keep my distance now rather than to keep trying... I want to remember him being one of the best friends I ever had, rather than think of him as that guy who always lets me down. I want him to be happy too, and I know that as long as I am a part of him life, I will make him unhappy... So, goodbye Christopher. We had a great friendship, but it's time to stop pretending.

Mind Games...

2012-01-20T11:57:00.000-05:00

My absolutely wonderful best friend informed me of something last night. I play mind games. Say what now? I wouldn't do a thing like that. What in the hell would make you think I would do something like that? You're an asshole for saying that. I would NEVER play mind games. Okay, maybe some of the things I've done in the past could be perceived as that. I'm sorry. You're not an asshole. You just like to make me feel like shit about myself for doing the things I do and then make me giggle about being such a bitch later.
Situation at hand. The guy mentioned from the previous blog. I call him. EVERY DAY. I text him when I wake up in the mornings. We talk all day long. He's USED to this. Then, I stop calling. I text him only when he texts me first. Guess what this prompted? Last night, rather than text me, he CALLED me!!! He hated talking on the phone when I first started this, but he has now, apparently, become quite accustomed to talking on the phone.
So yes, mind games. At their greatest. Because I didn't even know I was playing them...

He Likes Me? He's Got To Be Insane!!!

2012-01-20T08:20:00.002-05:00

Okay, so it's not a secret that I tend to be a little off my rocker. I'm coo coo and I love it. Most people I know either find it extremely irritating or they learn to love me for it, or a mixture of the two. The problem with this is the fact that I KNOW I am flawed. I KNOW I am bat-shit crazy. I know that I am hard to get along with. I know I am very hard to handle. But I figure that if you can put up with this, you must be a wonderful person and deserving of any friendship or love that comes your way.
Well, here lies the problem. The moment that a guy likes me, and I mean really likes me, I immediately think that he is insane if he knows this about me. I mean, really? Have you lost your damn mind? Why would you want to put up with this? You KNOW I'm going to make you crazy. You know I'm going to make you lose your damn mind. You know you will lose your hair, your blood pressure will be abnormally high, and that you will likely have to drink heavily in order to deal with my absolutely retarded behavior. And yet you have the courage to ask me out? Yeah, ummmmm... You must have slid past crazy and straight to freakin' psycho, so buh-bye now!
Does anyone know what the problem with this theory is? Ah, yes... Alicia is ALONE! If you automatically assume that every guy is a psycho for liking you, you will never be with anyone. On the other hand, if they don't know all of your crazy behaviors up front, they'll leave anyhow because you'll scare them off. I mean, hello, on top of my insanity, I also have two bratty little boys and two pain in the ass dogs. Oh, and a "unique" family. Soooo maybe it takes being a little psycho to deal with this package.
Here's the case, the true reason that this blog has come to be... I have this guy. He's my friend on Facebook (also known as the holder of all evil, insane, psychotic men). He's SEEN how I am on there. He also has my number. We call, we text, we communicate almost every hour of the friggin' hour of the day. He knows most of the shit that goes through my head because I never received that filter that most people get as children. He seen the stuff I post when I'm drunk, when I'm sleepy, when I'm just waking up, when I'm pissed off beyond belief, and you wanna know what he says? I'm cute and funny. HE LIKES ME. I of course tell him that he is bat-shit crazy. He says so are you. I try to find ways to scare him off because I haven't found a reason to not like him yet, and to be honest, he really is just as damn crazy as me, and he DOESN'T scare. Lord help me, there's still that part of me that thinks he has to be psycho to like me, but then I think I could really fall for him, so I'm trying to make that part of me STFU...
Baaaaahhhh... Anywho, there it is folks. I suppose that I should be thankful that there is someone out there who appears halfway normal to me that can actually appreciate my insanity. Sooo, we'll see where this leads. If nothing else, it could make for some interesting posts later, right?

Many People Hate Any Change That Doesn't Jingle In Their Pocket...

2012-01-01T11:26:00.002-05:00

Something that I have come to realize that is truer than any truth is just exactly what the title of this blog states: "Many people hate any change that doesn't jingle in their pocket." It doesn't matter if they can see that the change is good or bad, it is simply change and it is not just hated, it is FEARED!
As it is January 1st, the start of a new year, I figure that change is an appropriate topic. Many of us have made new year resolutions to change things about ourselves and our lives. While I have not made any actual resolutions, I have decided to embrace any change that comes my way and to find a way to love it. After all, life is change... The only thing that is truly constant in life is change.
Please remember this old Japanese proverb this year "The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak which resists." and let it guide you through this new year!

This Year...

2011-12-31T14:07:00.000-05:00

I will dance like no one is watching.
I will love like I've never been hurt.
I will be happy.
I will be hot.
I will be confident.
I will be determined.
I will be loved.
I will have no fear.
I will be me! =)

Some People Are Like Storm Clouds...

2011-12-23T13:25:00.000-05:00

"Some people are like storm clouds; when they disappear your day gets brighter..."

So, my day started with a bang. I stayed on the phone until the wee hours of the morning with someone that I am growing quite fond of talking to here lately. That was cool because this is the first morning in FOREVER that my schedule has permitted me to sleep in. Well, then four people decided to call me as early as 6:45 this morning. Needless to say, I was not very pleased. It led to some Facebook posting that I am still paying for in the way of massive amounts of texts.

I do want to say that I am very proud of my kids and the people that surround me this time of year. They have really shown me that there are some people that really do remember what the season is all about. Kyle went around all day the last few days telling them Merry Christmas and asking if they were excited about Jesus' birthday! He also has been very busy planning his Christmas presents for everyone while not asking for much of anything from anyone else.

Other than that, I've been doing a LOT of baking while preparing for the holidays. I am REALLY missing the days of having a dishwasher. I currently have ZERO clean dishes in the house and no energy to wash them all. Maybe tonight. I'll have to wash them tonight. I don't even have a coffee cup for in the morning right now...

I'm doing a lot of work on the websites right now, so keep a look out!

Talk to you all soon,
Alicia

The Tails Of Buster...

2011-12-13T10:45:00.001-05:00

Everyone, meet Buster! This is the doggie that won my heart. He's amazing... We picked him up from the vet yesterday and although he was a little skiddish from his visit, he quickly came to life.
The boys fell in love with him yet again after we got him out to the car. I of course, had gone insane and bought Buster a jacket from Walmart and decided to try it on him... The first thing Micheal said when he saw it was "Looks like he needs some shoes." Of course, Poupard and I took a look and decided that he's definitely more the sweater type and I'll be returning the jacket for a sweater the next time we're in Albany. =)
When we finally all got home and situated, it was bedtime... I hated it, but my policy for any new doggie is that they spend the night in the crate until they're used to the house. Especially young dogs... Buster went into the crate without a problem. He never barked or whined, just curled up with his blankets and laid there. The boys wanted him to sleep with them though, and since he couldn't, they decided to sleep with him. That's right, at 5:00 this morning, I found my kids curled up in their blankets, on the floor next to the dog crate. The greatest thing though, is that Buster didn't even have an accident during the night! I have been so proud of him. As soon as I got up, I took him out to potty, and he went within two minutes and we ran back inside. Before the boys went to school I took him out again and this time he played a little longer, but he had no problem with going back inside when it was time to.
When I got home, I let him out to roam the house while I cleaned up and went about my chores. He never got into anything and was satisfied to watch me while I went about my business. I dug around and found some of the other dogs old toys and hit the jackpot when I found a package of rawhide bones... He went to town on one of those for quite a while!
Well folks, it's time for me to go... I think Buster may want to go outside again. And after that, I'm going to try a recipe for some homemade dog biscuits that I hope Buster will LOVE.

Talk at ya later,
Alicia

Exciting Day!

2011-12-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

So, thanks to a very good friend of mine, me and the boys are getting the most awesome Christmas present EVER... We are bringing Buster home from the Humane Society!!! I don't know yet if we'll have him today or tomorrow, but I can say that I am totally excited! He should be on his way to the vet right now, and if all goes well, we'll have him this evening.
The boys went with me on Saturday to see him and, just like I did, they fell in love with him... We went to the store to pick out things for him and they went wild... "Can we get this for Buster? How about this? Oh, Buster needs this!" I love how much they can love... It's amazing to me. We adults can sometimes take a lesson from the little people. My children certainly love unconditionally and better than any grownup that I know of... Same with dogs. A dog doesn't only love you when you spend money on it, a dog loves you no matter what.
Well, this is going to be a short one... I'm going grocery shopping, and then, I'll be harassing the humane society and the vet's office to see when Buster will be ready to go... =)

Between Dogs and Men...

2011-12-09T13:52:00.000-05:00

If you know me, you've probably heard me say more than once that I like dogs more than I like people... It's true, I do. I really do. Not that I don't love you all, but we as a whole are the cruelest beings ever in existence.
I had a particularly bad evening yesterday that actually started off normal, and then I had a proud moment where my son begged me to let him finish his homework, and I felt the need to brag to his father about what a great job he was doing. This bragging led to an hour and a half yelling match between my ex-husband and myself.
You see, I did wrong... My son was up at 8:20 p.m. (past his bedtime) doing homework. I didn't think about this being so bad considering it was for a very good reason... I took a picture of him, posted it to Facebook and sent it to his dad. His dad yelled at me first for allowing him to be up "so late". By then, Micheal wanted to call his daddy and tell him goodnight. I of course actually let him... And then his daddy asked to speak to me. I knew this would end badly.
He asked why it took so long for Micheal to do his homework. I explained. He started talking about how badly Micheal was doing in school (he has a B+ average currently). I argued. He began to insist that it was in Micheal's best interest to repeat kindergarten. I lost my cool and told him that in order to make a decision like that he needed to be a parent. He argued and I laid it all out on the line. I got off the phone both infuriated and frustrated and took that frustration out on three friends last night that I was able to get to talk to me. I am still apologizing today.
Today, I have been determined not to think of such things, so I took the boys to school and hightailed it to Tifton to see a friend that I made on Facebook and sell her my old Mary Kay crap. She actually made me smile because she told me that she enjoys reading all of my crazy posts. I did of course confess that I have to post this stuff because honestly some of the things that happen to me are just too surreal.
After leaving Tifton, I realized that I still had a lot of time to kill. I called up a friend of mine from the Albany Herald and asked him if he'd like to meet me at the mall. I explained that I had a hole in my shirt and that I would be needing to buy a new one. He of course said that he would and he endured the 5 minutes it took for me to buy a shirt while I endured the 20 minutes it took for him to look for one. (Sorry JD, had to throw you under the bus there!)
In the course of this trip, we went to the pet store where of course I wanted to cry at the sight of these poor little puppies locked up in these itty bitty areas not getting the attention that they deserve. We decided to leave there and go to the animal shelter because as most of you know, I would play with dogs all day long if I could. While there, we see about 40 dogs. They all have different stories. Some were strays, some were owner surrenders, some were badly mistreated. All of them need and deserve a good home! I sincerely wish that I could care for them all...
There was one who particularly touched my heart today. Buster. He's a 5 month old terrier mix. He was an owner surrender. I don't understand why his owners surrendered him. While all the other dogs barked and howled and begged for my attention, Buster sat there and wagged his tail at me. When I walked up to him he simply sat at the door of his cage and raised a paw. I reached in, grabbed his paw, and he nuzzled my hand with his nose. I asked after playing with him through the cage for several minutes if we could please bring Buster out. He walked perfectly on a leash. He was an angel. He sat next to me. Not once the entire time we played did he get aggressive. I thought long and hard about how anyone could have gotten rid of him... I can't think of an explanation. It breaks my heart...
I would like to ask all of my friends to please consider going to your local shelter if you would like to get your kids a dog for Christmas. Most of the shelters are offering a special for Christmas. Albany Humane Society is doing adoptions for only $60 and your dog will come spayed or neutered and up to date on all shots. You really can't beat that... And these are wonderful gracious animals. This is my heartfelt plea to all of you. PLEASE take it into consideration.

My Obsession...

2011-12-08T09:04:00.000-05:00

Many of you know that in reality I have many obsessions... The main one though is my favorite author, Nicholas Sparks. I follow him on Twitter, I like him on Facebook, I stalk the man's every move and anxiously await more books. This is not an easy thing to do and requires a lot of patience (seeing as how he only produces one masterpiece a year!), but I do it.
His latest book, entitled "The Best Of Me" has been on shelves for a little while now... I've been putting off going to get it for money reasons and simply because I knew that the moment I bought it I would sit down and read it cover to cover, neglecting my kids in the process, and be unable to function properly until I was done reading it.
I finally bought the book last week. As I suspected, no matter how hard I tried, I had to sit down and read it cover to cover. I loved it. I laughed, I cried, and as usual, I got angry. The character that I had the most sympathy for did not have a happy ending. None of my favorite characters ever do. What makes me even angrier is that when the movies come out, they really don't follow the story line at all. I get so excited, I wait it out until THE DAY. I've watched the previews, reread the book, saved my money, gotten a babysitter, and I head to the movie theater only to get angry with Hollywood for butchering the most beautiful story ever written.
Anywho... This is all just to say that if you haven't, you really should go out and purchase "The Best Of Me". It's actually one of my new favorites... Nicholas Sparks is able to do for me what few writers can... He draws me into the stories, he makes the characters my friends, and he gets real emotions out of me when things don't go exactly the way I had hoped...

I Had A Good Man...

2011-12-07T08:48:00.000-05:00

I had a good man... I let him go. The problem is, I didn't just let him go, I ran him off. I was mean, I was hurtful, I was undeserving of such a man. He was kind... He was loving... He was great... He may not have been perfect, but he was perfect for me.
We fought. Yes, like cats and dogs. But we only fought for a short while and it generally ended in laughter.
We loved... I can remember the first time anyone looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. That person was him. He made me feel like I was the most important person in his life at times.
He scared me. I've loved, but never like I loved him or like he loved me. So, when faced with this, I changed. I began to be afraid of getting hurt, so I distanced myself. I started worse fights. I lied to him. I even told him that I never loved him at all. I was awful. I hurt him.
I miss him. I miss him every second of every day. He's not all I think about, but when I do think about him, my emotions seem to take control of me and I cannot keep myself from crying.

"Sometimes I miss you so much that I cry myself to sleep...
Sometimes I wake up because I've rolled over to your side of the bed and I realize you're no longer there...
Sometimes, I wake up and I reach out for you and get nothing in return...
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to undo all the mistakes I've made."

Oh Coffee... =)

2011-12-06T15:27:00.000-05:00

Today, I’m here to pay tribute to the love of my life: Coffee. Throughout my life I have had many loves come and go, but coffee has been there all the while. Here we’ll see how some of my greatest memories include coffee, and how it really is there for me even when no one else is.
My first taste of coffee I am told was when my big brother snuck it into my baby bottle because he was hoping that it would make me stay awake through the day and therefor sleep at night. My first memory of it however, is waking up at 4:00 a.m. when I was only three years old to drink a cup of coffee with my dad. Of course, there was much more milk and sugar than coffee back then.

Since then coffee has been many places with me… In high school, I flirted with Mr. Hutto to get a morning cup of coffee. Later, coffee kept me buzzing through those late nights working at Huddle House. Then, those early mornings after only two hours of sleep with a newborn were made possible only by coffee. Oh, and let’s not forget going out partying and sobering up with my friend coffee at the all-night diner at 3:00 in the morning… And then waking up at 6 to have breakfast with the family. Coffee, you were there with me that time for sure.

Coffee never gets boring. It comes in many flavors. There’s the good ol’ Maxwell House French Roast if you want something a little more traditional, but if you really want to spice it up, you can try brews such as pumpkin spice or my personal favorite: Chocolate Macadamia! Oh, and if you think it’s too hot for coffee, you can always try an iced version, or my favorite for a hot day, a Starbuck’s mocha frappuccino.

The greatest thing though, is that I don’t have to have coffee just at home. If I’m out and I really want a cup of coffee, I can find it on nearly any street. I can get a cup of coffee at a restaurant, a gas station, or if I’m lucky, at a Starbucks or another local coffee shop!

When it’s 5:00 a.m. and I don’t even want to see my kids, the only friend I have is coffee. Coffee understands when I don’t want to talk, and coffee is always there and waiting when I need it, whether it’s in my own kitchen, a nearby coffee shop, or a local restaurant...

Grocery Shopping...The Smart Way. Or The Alicia Way.

2011-11-07T13:41:00.000-05:00

Last night I was asked by my mom to go to the store... It was a simple trip. Milk, orange juice, and bread were all I was asked to get. This is something that I took for granted when I moved out of state.
You see, when I was out of state, I went to the store, and the odds of my knowing anyone there were slim to none. I would go in, get what I had to, and get out. It was easy. Now that I'm back home, it's never that simple. We have two (actually three, but I don't go to the third option) grocery stores in town that I shop at. Both stores jam full of people that I went to high school with working there. Then, once you get past the employees there's the customers. A friends mom and grandma, someone else you went to high school with, an old teacher, the creepy guy that you used to catch staring at you all the time... Something of that nature.
Last night, it was an old friend from high school. If I were a friendlier person, I would have spoken to her. Instead, I called a friend of mine before I even got on the road to go to the store. I told him that he had to stay on the phone with me when I saw all the people there that I knew. I knew that if I didn't stay on the phone I would inevitably be stuck in a conversation that would turn a quick trip to the store into an hour away from home. So, I manage to avoid this person the entire time I'm in the store, get everything I need (and some stuff I don't) and realize that oh crap, she's in the check out line and there is only one open. I make the beeline for a different section of the store and accidentally run over another customer's foot with the grocery cart in the process. Yes, it really happened. I watch for this friend to check out and start walking to her car. I run to the checkout lane. The cashier tries to talk to me and I say hi and mumble something about an important call...
After successfully getting out of the store, I throw my groceries in my car, only to realize that my old friend is parked two spaces down. She waves and says hi and starts to talk over. I wave back, motion to the phone, roll my eyes and laugh, hop in my car and speed off.
I know it seems rude, but honestly if you're from a small town, you know as well as I do that there is no such thing as a quick trip to the store... Every one of them last for at least an hour even if you only went after one thing. You do what you have to do to survive!

Alrighty... Now that I've probably severely ticked some people off, I'm on my way to class! =)

Thanks for reading!
Alicia

Penny Pinching

2011-11-02T13:03:00.000-04:00

It really didn't occur to me until I made a Facebook post today that so few people share their money saving secrets... I don't have a lot, but I will share mine, and I hope that you will share yours with me and whoever else may desire to read this.
My FAVORITE thing to take advantage of is Sears' KidVantage program! I have two boys that are very rough on EVERYTHING... Toys, clothes, shoes, animals, and definitely mommy. Well, KidVantage helps with part of this. Any clothing or shoes that you buy from Sears can be put in the KidVantage program for FREE. And what this program does is if your child wears out the article of clothing or pair of shoes before they outgrow it, you bring it back with the receipt. I take it a step further and save the shoe boxes and tags off the clothes just to be on the safe side and I have never had a problem. A few extra dollars up front saves my family HUNDREDS, if not THOUSANDS, of dollars a year.
Here's the shoes returned today:

As you can tell, Micheal had really torn them up... And he had only had them for three weeks. But they exchanged them, no questions asked.
One of the extra measures that Sears has done with their reward program is allow you to have your receipt emailed to you now. This also helps with these exchanges if you have little ~~hellions~~ angels at home who love to help you throw things away. I have a special file in my Gmail that I put all of my digital receipts in so that if I can't find the original, it's just a click and a print job away! =)
Please feel free to write me with your tips on saving money! aliciacanington@gmail.com

As always, thanks for reading!

ADHD? Or Not Challenged?

2011-10-18T16:38:00.000-04:00

Upon visiting my kindergartener's class today because of concerns with his schoolwork, I found out some rather shocking news. I already knew that our schools were suffering. I already knew that we were focused on academics in a pathetic attempt to try to catch up with other countries and prove just how smart we can be. I already knew that we had given up on music and art to replace the with even more math and reading. But what I didn't know is that we have started doing this at 5 years old!
My 5 year old is considered ADHD. He doesn't sit still. He wanders off into dreamland. He draws on everything. He likes to run and play. He's a 5 year old! He also is getting so many worksheets sent home that haven't been attempted that I'm starting to worry. Today, I believe that I got my answer as to why...
My FIVE year old goes to school, eats breakfast, and goes straight to a classroom where he is expected to sit and do worksheets until lunch time. Then he eats lunch, takes a nap, and does more worksheets until time to go home, where he gets even more worksheets to do for homework.
When I was his age, we had something different to do every day. We had art projects in the classroom. We had art class. We had music class. We had PE. We had RECESS every day!!!
I don't understand how schools can think that these children can just sit and do schoolwork all day long. Don't they realize that they need a break? Don't they realize that they need to be able to express their creative sides?
This is just ridiculous...

School...And Why I Wish I Wasn't Here Today!

2011-10-06T10:50:00.000-04:00

So, I'm sitting in class today and honestly cannot wait to get done at 1:00! I have so much to do today, beginning with going home and getting ready for my photo shoot for "The Mistress". I am thoroughly excited about that! This photo means more to me than anyone will ever know. I have a very personal attraction to this project. I am almost always drawn to things that for some reason or another I cannot have or that I am not supposed to have, so again, very special project that I have been planning for months and the pieces finally all came together this week.
My family is also having dinner with someone who is very special to me tonight. Someone who has been in my life for several years now and means a lot to me. Someone that I am so thankful to have back in my life again!
I cannot wait to see where my life goes from here...
I have an English project that I just finished up. I had to write a poem about memories. Each line had to begin with "I remember". Please let me know what you think...

I Remember…A Love Story

I remember a love story.

I remember seeing you.

I remember butterflies.

I remember meeting you.

I remember silly stories.

I remember laughing.

I remember holding you.

I remember crying.

I remember teenagers in love.

I remember breaking your heart,

I remember you breaking mine.

I remember falling apart.

I remember marrying other people.

I remember that not working out.

I remember moving on.

I remember moving out.

I remember meeting again.

I remember butterflies.

I remember second chances.

I remember the love in your eyes.

I remember laughing.

I remember crying.

I remember the hurt.

I remember everything.

I remember motorcycle rides.

I remember your scent.

I remember holding you.

I remember time well spent.

I remember loving you.

I remember a love story.

I remember us.

I remember our love story.

So What If I Love You?

2011-10-04T17:48:00.000-04:00

So what if I love you? I don't like you... I don't trust you. I don't want to be around you. I don't trust myself when you're around.
So what if I love you? We don't work. We tried this twice. I hurt you. You hurt me. We really should stop while we're behind.
So what if I love you? So what if you love me? Broken hearts is how this ends.

Dating... And Why I Don't Wanna...

2011-09-29T11:35:00.000-04:00

So, it's no surprise to hear that I've had a rocky dating history. I'm a single mom, it happens. But then, I got to thinking about it, and I've had the same kind of luck since way before then... It's enough to write a book about, but I figure I'll condense it to a nice little blog for you.
So, let's go to the first boyfriend. Tall, what I thought was handsome, and my mom hated him. He was perfect. We never broke up, actually... He just disappeared. What do I mean? I mean, one day he was there, and the next, he was gone. Turns out that he moved to Florida and the only person who knew was his mom.
Fast forward to a few later... Another really tall guy. He had a girlfriend when I met him and pretty much the only reason that he and I got together was because I hated that chick and everyone told me that I couldn't break them up... Needless to say I did. And I did her a favor because he was crazy... Admittedly, when it came time to break up with him, I wasn't smart, I did it while he was driving and he tried to wreck the car.
Then, there's my first love... He was my heart. I thought he was so handsome, and he was the sweetest guy I had ever met. But he believed that women should sit and home and raise children. He informed me that we were getting married after I graduated high school and that I didn't need to go to college... I told him to hit the road. We'll circle back around to him in a few...
There's the ex-husband, and enough should be said there that I shouldn't have to explain...
There's the most recent boyfriend who waited until bedtime to decide that we didn't belong together anymore... And of course that dragged out for forever and there are times where it is still confusing.
Oh, and recently, there's been so much fun... Dates I've gone on, and ones that I have thankfully called off in advance... There's been the guy who rifled through my purse when I had my head turned. The guy who brought his daughter along and then said that he didn't bring money for either of them to eat. Back to the first love, he lied to me and said that he was leaving his wife... Needless to say, I talked to someone and found out that he was still home with her when he was supposedly with his parents. I ended that real fast... There's the guy that I didn't meet who sent me a text asking if I would "do" him with a strap-on. Or there's the cousin who just informed me that we were "distant cousins"...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I'm done with dating...

How Did This Happen???

2011-09-28T16:55:00.000-04:00

So, here goes... I was the kid that everyone loved. I never got in trouble in school, on the bus, or when I was visiting someone. I was a pleasant child. I feared my mother, as well as loved her. I suppose that respect is the correct word. While I am not always a pleasant person, I still have a fairly easygoing attitude. I still obey rules and I still am someone that most people cannot help but to love. This is something that I take great pride in.
To the point... My kids are far from like me. While Kyle almost has my personality, and Micheal looks like me, they both continuously get in trouble at school, on the bus, with my mom, and pretty much every where else they go. They destroy things. They yell. They scream. They hit each other and other people. They annoy you. They make you angry. They are, for the most part, evil!
Yes, I love my children, but I am not blind to their little attitudes. I have done everything I can to try to change it. I have punished them. I have offered incentives for being good. I am running out of ideas.
You see, today... Today they were suspended off the bus. I would never in a million years have done anything to be suspended off the bus. I can remember when I was little, I was having a particular needy day and I annoyed my mom by tapping on her and pulling at her shirt every two minutes or so... She finally looked at me and said "I hope one day that you have a child JUST LIKE YOU!"
Well, Lord, I think you sent the wrong children, because neither of them are "just like me". Can I exchange them please?

Work, work, work...

2011-09-20T15:27:00.000-04:00

Well folks, I have spent the day doing schoolwork, ThirtyOne work, and then photography work... I need a set schedule because I just realized that I have been so busy that I have yet to actually eat lunch!
Is this what happens when you agree to photograph one event for a friend and then get snowballed with other requests? I don't mind, I actually like it... Again, I'm finally feeling productive. =) I just need to get a better handle on how to organize my time before it all comes crashing down...
So, anywho, this is me, saying hello, I haven't forgotten my promise to start blogging more, I'm just a little busy. I'll be back soon...

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

The Girl Behind The Camera: Inspired...

2011-09-19T11:37:00.000-04:00

I've got the other blog back up and running... Feel free to check it out! =)

The Girl Behind The Camera: Inspired...: This week's photo shoot is inspired by a game of hide and seek and this sign! =) I am so excited and cannot wait to see how it turns out and...

Catching up...

2011-09-18T12:56:00.000-04:00

Hi again! Sorry I don't seem to be posting a lot anymore... I'm going to get back to it soon though, I've just been trying to catch up on everything else that is going on in my life.

So, I've been back in school for a month... I LOVE every second of it! It's great to feel like I'm doing something productive with my time.
I've gotten back into my photography and I'm really loving it! I did a friends maternity pictures and now I've been asked to do more for other people as well as some family portraits. I'm so excited about doing that, and I'm thrilled to say that there are also a few bands that I'll be photographing as well! I'm planning to do a free photography day soon to get my photography business back up and running, so stay tuned to find out more about that!
ThirtyOne is going great! I'm doing my first fundraiser and am really hoping that it goes well. There's a nineteen year old young man named Drake Merritt who was recently diagnosed with leukemia; the fundraiser is to help with his medical bills. If you would like to show your support and shop the fundraiser, click here.
Well, I need to go, but I will update soon!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Mama's Night Out!

2011-08-04T14:08:00.000-04:00

Yay! Tomorrow night, this mama from a small town is hitting the city for a night out! I'm so excited! I've done my hair, bought a dress, gotten jewelry, and am going to do my nails tonight. Tomorrow should prove to be wonderful! There's a group of us going to get new piercings, so that should be interesting! Of course, I am definitely in that group! =)
I'll be posting lots of pics as soon as possible!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

La dee dah... Allow me to share my excitement!

2011-08-02T11:56:00.000-04:00

So, I entered this AMAZING ThirtyOne order last week that is FULL of new products that we are offering and YAY it should be shipping today!!!!!!! I'm excited! =) I know, I'm a dork, I'm a bag freak, but you've gotta love me because I say you do! Anywho... All new bags at my doorstep no later than Friday! Color me excited. =)

I have friend who is coming down on Saturday for 10 whole days that I cannot wait to see... =) It's going to be a fantabulous 10 days leading up to starting back to the daily grind of being in class... I can't wait!

FRIDAY! I'm going out with some friends on Friday night... First night out I've had in a while... First time going out with this group of friends ever. Should be fun and interesting... You know it is when I'm involved.;)

Well, other than trying desperately to get ready for school, there's not much of anything else going on... I won't keep you or bore you, I wouldn't want you to do that to me...

Talk to you soon!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Oi!!! It's Been FOREVER!!!

2011-07-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

Soooo much to update on, but no clue where to start...

So I guess I'll go with talking about my addiction. ThirtyOne! We have new catalogs that just came out on Monday and whoa my goodness at the new products! It is so exciting to see them all! I'm really thrilled about the new products and prints and have a wish list a mile long full of items that I want for myself! This week I ordered a new ruffle cinch sac in pink and a retro metro bag! I cannot wait to get them in and to be able to show them! =) Next week I have plans to order so much more, but the most important thing that I want to share with you all is that for the next month, you'll be able to get all of our products for 15% off!!! That's an incredible savings!

On the homefront... The boys are doing great! Micheal had to have dental surgery on Tuesday and did great. I was so proud of him. Kyle is Kyle... He's a typical three year old that's exploring boundaries and testing my patience...

School starts for the boys on August 15th. Pray that Kyle gets off the waiting list for headstart and that they can find space for him in a class. I start back to school on the 17th with a full load of classes. I'm trying to sign up for a kickboxing class so that I can blow off a little steam and have fun while getting back in shape.

Hmmm... Not much else that I feel like reporting on right now. Dogs are great and crazy... Men are a thing that I have no clue about. And yeah, life is life. =)

Thanks for reading,
Alicia

Counting Down The Days...

2011-06-15T09:12:00.000-04:00

In my last post I was on the countdown to have a break from my children. I wanted and needed some time away... Now, however, I am really missing them and wish that I had the little buggers right here with me! They come back Friday! At the moment I am so excited that I can hardly contain myself. It's funny what a small break can do for you... =) Sadly, I do know that this will be the last kid-free time that I have for a whole year. That isn't something that I prefer to think about, but I am going to make the most of it... Mainly by trying not to forget to get a babysitter every once in a while so that I can learn to enjoy myself.
Other than that, I don't seem to have a lot going on right now... The boyfriend and I are still broken up. I'm thinking less and less about ever going there again with each day that passes. I reunited with my first love and I would love to have a second chance there, but it's just not the right timing currently... Oh, and I met a new guy that I find to be sweet and adorable in every way, but I am waiting that out because I just want to be sure that I'm not just doing the rebound thing.
I can't wait until August... I really want to get started with school again as soon as possible! This nursing degree is one of the few things that keeps me going on some days. I just want to be able to have something I can be proud of doing one day...
Well, I'm off for now.

Thanks for reading,
Alicia

One More Day!

2011-06-03T08:38:00.001-04:00

I have been emailing back and forth with the ex-husband for a few days now getting visitation worked out for what was originally just his parents. He was able to work out getting his R&R time though and will be back in the states next week. The boys know that tomorrow they'll be leaving to see their grandparents, but they will be thrilled to go to the airport and see their daddy get off the plane! I also cannot wait for a little down time. I have so many things that I want to get done that right now I'm trying to figure out what to do first...
Of course, I also have someone telling me that I should take this time to spend with him, I mean after all, how long will it be before I can do that again? I want to, I really, really want to, I just have my reservations about it. It's not about him, I've finally figured that out... It's about the fact that so much of my life revolves around being a mom that I am not sure I can handle trying not to worry while they're gone... Not to mention the fact that for several days, my boys will not be with their father, they'll be with HER. I'm just not sure I'm good with that. I'm trying to be a good sport though, I really am...
Well, duty calls, I need to finish packing and I have to do some work... ThirtyOne is so wonderful to me, how can I really call it work? :-)

Thanks for reading,
Alicia

Yay! Another Month Down!!!

2011-05-31T10:09:00.001-04:00

That's right folks, it's the last day of May! I choose to celebrate the end of this month and the end of many chapters in my life. I'm also taking this time to make some new goals in my life...
First and foremost, I want to start really riding the motorcycle. I have one at my disposal if I could ever just take the time to learn to ride it. My goal is to start riding and be able to start riding in the local poker runs and maybe with a group.
Another goal that coincides with the previous one is to start having some me time. I need to find a new babysitter and start doing things by myself and with friends a little more...
Lastly, I'm going to concentrate more on my businesses and try to get them up and really rolling. I'm going to try to expand my customer base and I'll be offering some really great specials, so be on the lookout! :-)
Well, I need to get going... Talk to you all soon!

Thanks for reading,
Alicia

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T09:25:00.001-04:00

I just wanted to pop in really quick to remind you all that Memorial Day is more than just a paid day off from work. Today is a day that we should remember all of our fallen soldiers in the wars of today and yesterday. Today is a day where you should thank the families of the fallen for their sacrifices and thank God for making young men and women brave enough to fight for your freedom and pay the ultimate price. Today is a day to put aside your own feelings about this war and just be grateful that you live in a country where you are allowed to express those feelings.
Well, I'm off to celebrate my freedom with my family today... Have a wonderful day!

Thanks for reading,
Alicia

Why Coffee Is Better Than Men...

2011-05-28T10:24:00.001-04:00

Coffee is hot and ready whenever you are...
Coffee can be just as strong or sweet as you'd like it.
Coffee doesn't talk back.
Coffee gets rid of headaches instead of causing them!
Coffee doesn't complain that you're trying to change it.
When you get tired of one coffee flavor, you can get a new one!
Coffee doesn't get jealous when you look at or taste other coffee.

Okay, that's it for now... Who knows, I'll probably think of more later!

Thanks for reading,
Alicia

All Moved...

2011-05-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody! Sorry that I haven't been able to post in a while... I'm currently at my mom's to write this as I still do not have internet at my new place. Hopefully soon though! =) I am all moved in with the exception of a few pieces of furniture that I will be going back to get in the next few days and then I'll have to figure out just where the heck to put it!
I am enjoying the peace and quiet of being away from everybody and everything... It doesn't get much better than that for me. I love small towns, but the one thing that I do not love about it all is having everyone drive by your house 20+ times a day to see what you're up to and then going to the store or post office and hearing your private business being spread around in twisted rumors. I'm really enjoying the amount of money I'll be saving by moving down here... Just wish I had done it a lot sooner rather than toughing it out for so long...
On another note... I have lost over 15 pounds in the last two weeks and I have NO idea how... I know that it has put me at least two pants sizes smaller than I already was and that I now need new pants. Yay me, looks like I found a way to spend the money I'll be saving before I've even saved it!
Well, I've gotta run for now... Talk to you all later!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Settling...

2011-05-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning in a GREAT mood. This is the first time this has happened in a long time now, which tells me that I am definitely on the right track. I've been sitting back and thinking about things and I came to the conclusion that I have a problem. I always settle. I never speak up and tell people how I feel about things. I never tell people what I would rather them do or what I really want. I settle instead of rocking the boat. I also made my life all about the people in it rather than about me. NONE of this will ever be happening again!
I am finally getting a grip on what I want out of life. And I have finally figured out that I have caused most of my own problems. I take full ownership for all misery that I have ever had in my life, but I am now banishing it from my existence! There will be a lot of changes in my life and how I let people treat me. I am not letting myself ever feel so low again.
That's all I have for now... I'm getting things cleaned up around this house and about to start throwing some things out.

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Is My Life That Interesting???

2011-05-11T19:04:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! I do certainly apologize if I take you by surprise right now, but I can't help but wonder if my life is that interesting to you... I mean, really? In all seriousness, I went from having a few clicks on here in a week to twenty a day and now to over 1600 since the first of the month. I am feeling the love! I'm glad that someone is out there reading my ramblings...
On the small town note, I really wonder if my life is that interesting. I refused to leave my house and go to the store or post office or pretty much anywhere in the last few days because of some personal problems. Well.... I went to my brother's house tonight and got to listen to how he's like to give a certain someone a piece of his mind. My immediate response was a smartalecky one... I told him he didn't have much mind left, so don't go giving pieces of it away for free. Then I asked him what he actually knew about the situation, and what he knew was a bunch of lies that spread like wildfire in towns like this. I told him the truth and suddenly he sits there and begins to understand the situation and agrees with me that it should be left between the two people who are doing their absolute best to work it out amongst themselves. The thing is, do these people who feel the need to spread lies in towns like this just have no lives of their own so they have to make everyone else's interesting? Why all the mindless gossip? Why all the drama? It's stupidity and reminds me of high school on so many levels. For all of you who know me, you know I don't hide behind the computer screen... I speak my opinion online and in public and I stand behind every word I say. I just wish that the people around here would have that common courtesy.
Well, it's time to get the little guy ready for bed and to do a little gardening. Talk to you all later!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Taking The First Step...

2011-05-11T11:05:00.000-04:00

Today, I am taking plenty of first steps. I am taking the first step towards changing schools. I filled out the application for readmission to Darton so that I can go into their RN program. I'm also taking the first step towards selling Mary Kay. I talked to my representative about it and we're going to do the paperwork tonight. I'm very excited about this!
Another step that I am taking is to fix some things that have been wrong for a while now... I am working towards moving. To another small town, but away from where I am. I need to be closer to school and to cut costs. Right now, I am just barely getting by and with the price constantly going up, I can't keep afloat here much longer. I think this will also give Steven and I the chance to get back to where we were a few months ago, when we actually dated and enjoyed every second that we spent together and didn't just take each other for granted.
I am taking a step towards being me again. Let's face it, I haven't been me in a while. I have been a mother, a girlfriend, and everything but me.It's going to take some time, but I would rather start being me again before I start making myself miserable being what I think everyone else wants me to be.
This all being said, I'm going to get off the computer for now and fix the boys and I some lunch. I am starved. I've had so much on my mind in the past few days that somehow yesterday I managed to forget to eat altogether and that is so not like me. I'll talk to you all soon...

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

In Need Of A Date!

2011-05-09T16:09:00.000-04:00

So, I love my children, my two crazy dogs, and even the two little kittens that Micheal got for his birthday, but there is something on my mind: the absolute utter need to escape, just for one day/night. I want some time off. It seems that since Steven moved in we have had no time together. He's always busy doing something or I am. We're dealing with the kids while they're awake, and when they're asleep, we're either sleeping or too tired to even want to talk. I am really missing the time that we used to spend together, so I am saying that I don't want a date, I NEED one!
I'm not sure on the specifics, I just know that I want no little people involved and no family around either (the past several weekends have been crammed with family functions), and I would love if the night could end with me not feeling mentally exhausted. I'm pretty sure that even though there are movies out that I would like to see that I don't want to go watch one. I do know that I would like to eat somewhere that I will not be tempted to get a hamburger... I've had my fill of them lately. I don't think I even want anything in the beef family... I want to try something new and different.
On a different note: I have slightly changed my mind about school. In a good way though. I contacted Darton today about my possibly returning there in the fall and going straight through to get my RN instead of getting my LPN and then working for a year and then going back for my RN. It makes more sense to me to do it that way when I weigh out all of my options. Depending on what I for sure decide to do, I may not return to school until August, which would be perfect, I would be able to wait until the boys were back in school and that would save me a great bit of cash.
As far as my business ventures go, be on the lookout for me to start selling Mary Kay around the first week of June! I am very excited about this, and I'm sure that it will turn out to be a great little business to help me make it through nursing school. Thirty-One will be kicking off a "Sail into Summer" sale tomorrow that I, along with many anxious customers, am very excited about! There will be five items on sale for 31% off while supplies last! I have some speculation as to what these items are, but I am not going to post it until I am sure, so stay tuned for more information!
Well, it's time to get supper started... Micheal wanted me to type his name, so here ya go folks! Micheal is helping me blog! =)

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Venturing out...

2011-05-06T06:30:00.000-04:00

So, over the last few days I've been looking into venturing out into new business opportunities. Right now, I'm thinking Mary Kay products. I ran into a soldier when I was at the bank on Saturday that sells them and seems to be very happy with it... I also really LOVE their products! I'm checking out the possibilities with it for now, but I think I may just do it and try to get an even greater income with having the two businesses. After all, Steven says "You already sell purses why not makeup too?" Of course, he was thinking Avon when he said this and well, I'm not an Avon kinda girl. =)
For the last two days I have worked hard sanding and refinishing an antique bench that my mom gave me. I have it sitting out in the carport right now and I am terrified to go out and look at it. I put the finishing touches on it last night before I went to bed and the last time I looked it was gorgeous, I just don't want to walk out and see something has happened to it.
Thirty-One is going great. It is truly a blessing that was brought into my life. I am trying really hard to have record-breaking sells this month for a few reasons... The main one, I have bills to pay off. Reasons number two and three: My laptop is dying a slow death and my dishwasher kicked the bucket. I am really hoping that I can make the laptop hold out through the end of the month... If not, I don't really know what I'll do for a computer. The dishwasher, it's more of a convenience issue. I can wash dishes by hand, I just prefer the dishwasher. Part of my venturing out with Thirty-One is making some new goals. I am carrying catalogs everywhere I go and talking to everyone, even complete strangers, about Thirty-One, and I am trying my hardest to make at least one sale every day. I am slowly getting there, I made two sales yesterday and passed out four catalogs. I am confident that I can meet my goal... Can you all do me a small favor and pray that I do?
Well, I've got to go... It's time to wake the boys up and get Micheal off to school... I'm so thankful today is Friday!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Aaaaahhhh!!!! It's FRIDAY!

2011-04-29T17:53:00.000-04:00

Hi everybody! Sorry, I know that the blog has been kind of neglected the past few months, and every time that I think that will change...something else comes up. As is life. Everything in life seems to get neglected now and then. My lawn, the flower beds, the dishes, the bathroom cleaning, the entire bedroom full of laundry that we now endearingly refer to as "the closet" because I cannot keep up with the enormous amount of laundry in this house... ALL NEGLECTED. What am I doing, you may ask... I have no clue from one day to the next. Loads of school work. Chauffeuring my soon to be five year old back and forth to his special place (better known as school). Trying desperately to grow a vegetable garden. All of these things are daily tasks, and then I add in all of the "little things" that pop up at random.
This week I have been preparing for Micheal's birthday party. I can't believe that he is turning five in less than a week! We are going with a Toy Story theme because he is now obsessed with all things Toy Story. I can't wait to see how it all turns out, and I've got a few surprises in store that I really hope everybody just absolutely loves! =)
Today, in the middle of gathering the rest of the supplies needed for this monstrous birthday party, Moma and I decided that we would also take some time to do something that we love to do... Shop second-hand stores for absolutely wonderful items! I am so glad that we did... Not only did I come out of it with two "new-to-me" lamps, but I got a brand new shirt for $1.99 (not a "new-to-me", by the way, actually new, WITH TAGS!). And this is not just any shirt... It is what I like to refer to as an "Ooolala" shirt. Everyone likes to have clothing that they just feel absolutely sexy and gorgeous and desirable in... I used to say that was my entire wardrobe. That was prior to having children, of course. Now... I throw on a t-shirt and jeans and give up on the "Ooolala". It's rather sad. I have a few items in my wardrobe that I am still in love with, and feel like I look great in, but it's not like before... Well, now, I have this shirt!

This has got to be the sweetest crocheted tank top ever! It is wonderful... It doesn't hug my body in the wrong places either, which is great... The coolest thing, it has a slit up the front to give a flash of skin now and then, but not constant. So, obviously not a wear everywhere tank, but it has given me a goal for this summer... I'm going to the beach, I'm wearing this tank top, and I am going to feel great in it!
Well, now that I have sufficiently bored you all, I am going to try to get to my much neglected dishes... I need a plate to eat on tonight! ;-)

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Mmmm... Life!

2011-04-17T11:18:00.000-04:00

You know, I have had some really low points in my life, but I can honestly say that I haven't hit a low point in a really long time now. It gets scary, but I'm going with it. I am quite happy. School is great, which is always a good thing, and Thirty-One is going really good, the boys are wonderful, and everything with Steven and I is fantastic. When everything is lining up so great, it puts me on cloud nine, but then I also start having this fear of when it is all going to start coming down around me. And well, I've decided to let that fear go. I am simply going to be happy, and then whatever happens, it will happen.
I had a wonderful Thirty-One party yesterday with some really great ladies. I have so much fun with these parties and really enjoy making new friends at them. I can't think of a better business for me to be in.
This morning has been nonstop playtime with the boys... Of course, we went outside and there was a new dog out there that the boys hadn't seen before and they are having a blast playing with her... I'm just ready for her to go home. As pretty as she is, we don't need another dog. I have my hands full with two little boys and two dogs. Plus, nursing school doesn't allow for very much time to do anything other than study, so it doesn't seem right to try to take on any extra responsibilities that would more than likely be neglected later.
Well, time for me to go...

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Finally Friday!!!

2011-04-15T05:46:00.000-04:00

Yay! It's finally Friday! Only problem with "Finally Friday" this week is that there is just SOOOO much to do! I started on two great projects yesterday, but could only get one of them finished. I decided that I wanted to make a new stationary holder for my Thirty-One stationary, and if I do say so myself, it looks AMAZING! It's so cool what you can do with about $10 and a little extra time on your hands. =)
The next project though was a bit more than I expected... I decided to clean out the flower beds. To do this is a LOT of work. There is grass, weeds, and there are things growing in there that have not been properly maintained for years. For instance, there was a lily that was only in one area, it could have started off as one plant, maybe three. When I got done splitting the lily off, I had over 50 of them! I also found several small holly plants, which leads me to believe that there was holly grown in my flower bed at one time... Of course, I dislike holly with small kids, so I dug it up and gave it to my neighbor. Today, I am planning to finish this monstrous project and get some new flowers in the ground as well as splitting off whatever else may be hiding in the flower bed. I've still got to get tomatoes in the ground too, but I have to find a place for them first...
Well folks, I'm off for now. It's time to find clothes for the kiddos and then get Micheal off to school.

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Wow...

2011-04-14T05:43:00.000-04:00

So, it's early in the morning and Facebook is down. Oh no! What's a girl to do? That's right, I have Blogger! Where I am free to share my thoughts and say what I would like! So that's what this girl is doing this morning... I am BLOGGING!
Yesterday was really great. I came home and had my two packages that I've been so excited for this week. My customer's stationary came out BEAUTIFULLY! I'm not a huge stationary person... I used to really want some, but then email took over, and that's how a generally keep up with folks now. However, I am thinking that it would be nice to order some stationary for myself and start sending out a few notes here and there. I think I may just do that too on my next Thirty-One order. The other thing that I was really excited for were some new products for me to show. I now have the Tote-Ally Awesome Beach Tote, the Mirror Compact, the Small Thermal Tote, the Mini Zipper Pouch, and a new scarf! This is pretty cool for both me and my customers, because it's more stuff that they can see and feel before having to decide if they'd like to purchase it.
Today I am bringing Micheal to school and going straight from there to Albany to pick up some supplies for a new project that I am working on. I am quite excited about this... I am making a new display to put my Thirty-One stationary on at parties. I think it's going to be pretty cool and I will definitely have to post pictures when it is done.
Well, that's about all I have for now... It's about time to start getting everyone else in the house up and going for the day.

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

My Dream House...

2011-04-12T06:16:00.000-04:00

I've thought about this many, many times since I was a little girl... The older I get, the more my vision of my dream house changes...
My dream house as a little girl was this big white house on the highway for everyone to see. It was as simple as that. The house was old and huge and I wouldn't have to move far from home to get it... Then my mom informed me that the only way I'd ever get that house was if I grew up and married this little boy that I thought was mean as a snake.
Alas, the dream began to change. I found a farm on the other side of the county that I liked more. Sure, I'd have to move further away... I mean, 20 miles is a huge distance from your parents, but it's doable, right? What's really funny is that I still fall a little deeper in love with that farm every time I drive by it; and now that it's up for sale, I really wish that I could afford it, but I can't.
My adult dream house has changed more to location... Where is my dream house? Well, there's the one in the mountains. That's in Tennessee. I love the location, I found the perfect listing before... Made me want to pack my bags and move right away. Of course, I have other ideas too though. There's moving to Jekyll Island. I've always loved that place... And being right there on the ocean, I can't think of anything better. Plus, it's quiet. If I wanted more shopping and partying, there's always the beautiful and historic Savannah. That's always been a dream of mine as well... Beachfront, of course.
At this point though, I can't think of anything better than a house on the dirt road that my daddy taught me how to drive on. I would love to buy several acres of land and just build a nice little house out there. That, to me, would be paradise. I drive down that road when I start to feel alone and immediately can feel like he's there in the passenger seat. I can see him smiling at me, and I feel like no matter what is wrong in this world, he's there and everything feels right again. So, to me, I couldn't imagine a better location than that.
The house itself, I haven't put a lot of thought to in ages... I can tell you about a few necessities. One is a huge walk in closet right off of my bedroom. At the end of the closet should be a door leading to my bathroom. Notice I said MY bathroom. This door should have a keypad lock, much like what I have on my back door. In said bathroom, there should be a whirlpool tub, and I really don't care what else. I suppose a shower stall would be nice as well. I should be able to take my earrings off in this bathroom and not worry about little fingers grabbing them, playing with them, and eventually losing them. Yes, I lose a lot of earrings this way... I could probably afford my dream house if I could stop having to replace earrings.
Other things for my dream house would include larger bedrooms... Maybe four instead of the three that I currently have. Two bathrooms in addition to my own bathroom. One of those bathrooms could be a half bath. A more functional kitchen, with many more cabinets and a pantry! An actual dining room, instead of an area on the other side of the kitchen. Oh, and a den as well as a living room... That would be nice. While I'm dreaming, I would also love a sunroom... I miss the sunroom we had growing up. And a beautiful front porch. I love my porch now, but it's tiny, and there's not a lot you can do with it.
That's about all I have for my dream house right now... Maybe one day I can make it happen. =) I know what the yard would look like too, I have it all in my head, but I'll save that for another day. I've got to get kids up and ready for school...

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

So tired...

2011-04-11T13:18:00.000-04:00

I can't wait for another tiny break. I stayed up last night working on two tests for school and figuring out what other schoolwork needs to be completed this week. When I finally fell asleep, it seemed like only an hour later that it was time for Steven to wake up for work. It took him at least thirty minutes to get ready, all the while I'm grumbling and hiding under my pillow and blanket, trying not to scream at him to turn the light out and stop making so much noise. After that, I fell asleep again for about one more hour before my alarm went off.
Since I woke up, it's felt like I have been moving nonstop. I had to get Micheal ready for school, then to the shop to drop the car off for an oil change, and then home to clean and feed Kyle his breakfast. After that, we picked the car up, and I fed Kyle and put him down for a nap... Now I should get back to the neverending cleaning, but I am wiped and all I want to do is fix a bowl of ice cream and sit on the porch...
So guess what I'm about to do? I'm fixing some ice cream, and then I'm getting some catalogs ready to bring to the post office when Kyle wakes up. I figure I'll get the cleaning done one day, but today, I want to nap... And if I can't actually nap, I'm going to do my best to relax. =)
Well, I'm off to enjoy my time with my ice cream!

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

Party, Party, Party!

2011-04-10T12:09:00.000-04:00

Wow... I just realized that my life is turning into one party after another- And I'm LOVING it!!!
Next weekend, I am getting ready for another Thirty-One party! This is with a group of ladies in Columbus that I met at one of the parties here in my own hometown. I am so excited for it, as I mentioned on another post, it is such a blessing because I always feel like I am making new friends. =)
After the party in Columbus, I am coming home to go to my nephew's birthday party. He's turning three this week! =) I am so excited. I love our family birthday parties... Plus, I love the opportunity to share what wonderful things Thirty-One has done for my life.
The next weekend, we have our annual Easter Egg Hunt and Cookout at my mom's house. I've got so many family members that are excited to see my Thirty-One products there. I really can't wait to bring them out. This stuff is absolutely amazing!
Oh, and if you were to ask me what I'm doing right now... I'm getting ready for a party! Well, I'm getting a packet together at least. A friend of my mom's is hosting a catalog party and I'm trying to get an extra special packet together for her. I think she'll love it!

Well, I've gotta get going... I'll talk to you all later! =)

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

P.S. For any of you interested, if you would like to host a party in May, book it now to get this amazing All-In-One Organizer for FREE! That's an $18 value!

Appreciating the small things...

2011-04-09T17:09:00.000-04:00

That's what I'm doing these days, appreciating the small things. Life is forever changing, and there is so much to be thankful for.
In the last year, things have been scary... Financially, things have been a nightmare. That has led to everything in my life being scary. Being on the brink of losing things, not being able to pay bills, it's not something that I'm used to. There have been some wonderful things to help with that. Going back to school has been hard, but it has also helped me to get back on track. Another thing that has been a HUGE help is my Thirty-One business. I am so in love with this business. It is so much fun to go into someone's home and to help them throw a party and to meet all of these new people. I really consider this a blessing. I have met so many wonderful ladies through Thirty-One and I am beginning to become a bit more financially stable.
Steven and I have officially moved in together, and to be honest, I couldn't be much happier. I love having him here at night, and it is really nice having a little extra help around the house. The boys are happy, they beg for breakfast fixed by him every morning (apparently he's a better cook than me!).
There's not much else to report... I am looking forward to my next Thirty-One party next weekend! I'm expecting several ladies there that I've never met before and I am looking forward to making some new friends. =)
That's all for now.

Thanks for reading,

Alicia